Writings

Shortly before Christmas, my husband’s Grandma died. Her death was the third family member we said good-bye to in 2018. While we found much joy throughout the year, it was a year filled with many hard, grief-filled days.

My Mother-in-law asked if I would read Scripture, pray and do a faith eulogy at Grandma’s service. I consider it a privilege to be asked to participate in a special moment like this.

Here are the words I shared at her funeral and I am sharing them with you on what would have been her 90th birthday.

I was asked to speak about Grandma Clark and her faith. Many of you have known her much longer than I have. I first met her 13 years ago when her grandson now my husband, Richard, asked me to come home with him for Christmas to meet his family. 
Grandma was a women of faith who relied on her faith and hard work throughout her life. Her faith and her family are what sustained her when she needed to make difficult decisions. Her faith strengthened her when she said goodbye to loved ones resting in the assurance that she would see them again.
For some time, Grandma has been ready to be with Jesus. As it became more difficult for her to be as independent as she wanted to be and we all know that she wanted to do everything by herself and didn’t want to ask for any assistance. As she had to relinquish more and more independence, she would ask why am I still here? And her daughter Mary would tell her that God needed her to stay here with us a little longer and when God was ready she would be called home. That finally happened. And even though she was ready, I am not sure we were. 
We will remember her determination and strength. We never forget her fierce independence and how she fought to keep control of all that she could by living alone as long as possible and not wanting to give up her car. 
My hope is that we all will continue to tell her story and remember her through our laughter and tears. 
And we take comfort in knowing that she is not in pain anymore, that she now can move and walk without any challenges, and that is reunited with her loved ones who have gone before her. 
So today and in the coming days, rely on your faith and your family as Grandma did as the strength and support to help you through the hard days and the joy that is with you on the good days.

One-Protect me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

All-You are our safe place. This is our sanctuary where we seek you.

One-The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

All-I keep the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

One-We stand firm because we keep God before us.

All-Therefore, we will rejoice and be glad.

One-Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body also rests secure.

All-We rest secure in you, Holy One.

One-You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

 

The words in Italics are from Psalm 16 in the New Revised Standard Version.

On Tuesday, my Dad and I officiated my grandfather’s funeral. Here are the words I shared.

From the time I was a young child, I would spend about a month each summer with each set of grandparents. First by myself and then when Becky was old enough she would join me. I treasure these memories. While on the farm with Grandpa and Grandma, the weather and crops would set the course of our time. There’d be cats and a dog to feed and play with, fresh food from the garden to eat and can or freeze, drinks to take to Grandpa while he worked in the field. And fireworks, homemade ice cream, visits from or to family, and many games of cards!

As I grew older, the visits got shorter and we relied on phone calls and letter writing. One phone call Grandpa asked me to write him a letter and send it, so I did. Next time I called, he said, “You call that a letter? That was too short. It was really just a card.” So I began working on a letter long enough to please him.

Our phone conversations always covered the same topics. First, family. How are your Mom and Dad? They don’t call or visit often enough. How is your sister, Jon, Ella, Reid? Your sister should call me and bring the kids to visit. How are you and your husband? Why do you live so far away? When are you moving back here? And why don’t you call more often and come visit? Topic number 2 was always the weather. In the growing season, topic number 3 was crops. How everything was growing in Iowa and how the crops looked where I lived. He loved hearing about cotton and tobacco when I lived in North Carolina and how people go crabbing and grow corn here in Maryland. Our final topic would always be my car. When I was in college, Grandpa and Grandma loaned me money to buy my first car, so you know it was a Ford. Somehow I had a Chevy after that which we won’t even talk about. In 2005, I bought a Honda Accord-which Grandpa called one of those foreign cars. Each call I’d have to report on how long I’ve had the car, how many miles it has on it, and how much longer I’m keeping it. So Grandpa, here is your final car report. It’s been more than 13.5 years. I rolled 267,000 miles last week, and I’m keeping it until she leaves me stranded on the side of the road and then, yes, I’ll call AAA.

The Lord is my shepherd.

Grandpa’s faith ordered his life. Sundays were a day of rest and church and if not church a visit to family. Animals were fed on Sunday and no other work was done on the Sabbath.

I shall not want.

Grandpa (and Grandma) were frugal. First out of necessity and then because it was just them. They used to pay Becky and me one penny for each nail and piece of metal we picked up from the driveway and machine shop. We had to count out each piece and report to Grandma who would pay us in pennies and nickels what we reported. Last night I learned that they paid Mom one penny per piece when she was  kid. No inflation in this task. When we would go to McDonald’s, we could order anything we wanted from dollar menu except soda. That was overpriced and there was a cooler with drinks in the car. And Grandpa knew which McDonald’s served the biggest ice cream cone and that was where we’d always stop to get the most for our money.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

Grandpa was a farmer. He loved the land. He loved the animals. He loved the life. When he slowed down and eventually sold the farm, he loved to talk about farming. He was a good farmer.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

No memory of Grandpa’s life is complete without talking about Grandma. Almost 70 years of marriage. They were a team. I remember asking Grandpa a question, and he’d say “Ask the boss”. I think they both took turns being the boss. They were both stubborn and both set in their ways. And they built a wonderful life and legacy together.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Your rod and your staff they comfort me.

Grandpa knew more than his share of heartache. He buried three children. He outlived all of his siblings. And his wife died days before their 70th anniversary. His heart had been broken many times. At times it made him bitter and angry. And he kept going in spite of all this loss.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows. 

Grandpa knew the importance of family. He would visit us and the rest of the family often. I’ve heard stories about trips taken with his siblings and he loved the family reunion. He would say that fish and relatives start to smell after three days, so the trips were always short. And yet, he always made time for family.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

When Grandpa discovered tractor pulling, it was all he could talk about. I loved watching him pull because his face would light up like a child. It brought him so much joy. And that I hope can continue to be his legacy. I hope I and you can think less about what an ornery, son of a gun he could be and instead remember what brought him joy-family, hard work, ice cream, pulling the Gopher, a long marriage, shooting the moon and bidding on his partner’s hand in pitch, his dogs-let these be his legacy as he dwells in the house of the Lord forever. Amen.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

James 3:13-4:3, 7-8a

Mark 9: 30-37

Every time I have heard someone preach on this gospel text, the focus has been on welcoming children. And as someone who spent more than a decade of my life doing ministry with children and youth, I agree that a major focus of our faith communities needs to be on teaching and welcoming the younger ones among us and children and youth outside these walls. We need a regular reminder that “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (9:31a) as Jesus said. So it is good that countless sermons have been preached on this text. And my hope is that this church which sings about the welcome they have for children each Sunday when children are invited up to these steps, my hope is that this church is a place where children are welcomed and where children know they are loved.

What caught my attention in my recent readings of this text was this line- “But they [the disciples] did not understand what he [Jesus] was saying and were afraid to ask” (9:32). Once I began looking at resources on fear, the options were overwhelming. Fear is everywhere in our culture. We are encouraged to live in a state of fear-always looking over our shoulders, always wondering what someone will do. We are encouraged to buy things out of fear so we are prepared for whatever may come. Fear is not always bad. It is a natural reaction. We need to decide how to respond to our fears and not to let them rule our lives.

Back to the 1^st century disciples, “But they [the disciples] did not understand what he [Jesus] was saying and were afraid to ask” (9:32). Like the disciples, most of us do not like to admit what we don’t understand or don’t know. And we certainly don’t want to admit to each other when we are afraid. What if just one of the disciples had raised his hand or tugged on Jesus’ sleeve and said, “I don’t understand what you are saying. Please, explain it to me because I love you and want to follow your teachings.” What courage that disciple would have required to ask Jesus and to ask in front of the rest of the disciples.

And the disciples let the fear rule their actions. They didn’t ask what Jesus was talking about. They didn’t beg for clarification. They were afraid. And while I’m sad that the disciples gave into their fear, I don’t blame them either. Jesus was talking about betrayal, being killed, and rising again. Those aren’t easy topics to hear about from anyone much less your teacher, your leader, the person who you dropped everything to follow. Did they understand Jesus was talking about himself? Did they get so overwhelmed just by hearing betrayed and killed that they didn’t even hear “will rise again”? We don’t know. What we do know is that they were afraid and let fear determine their future actions in today’s story.

“Doubt, as it turns out, is not the opposite of faith; fear is, or at least that kind of fear that paralyzes, distorts, and drives to despair” David Lose

And Fear is nothing unique to our times. “The words fear or afraid appear over four hundred times in scripture” (39). Often it is found as Do not be afraid for the Lord is with you. As people of faith, we know this and yet there is much to fear.

Fear of-

Money-usually not having enough, How can I pay all the bills? Do I have enough money to retire? Now that I have retired did I save enough? When will my money run out? Will I be a burden to others because I don’t have enough money?

Disappointing Others-Am I good enough?

Failures-Can I do this? Should I even try?

Not Being Loved-Does anyone love me? Would they still love me if they knew the real me?

Death-What happens when we die? Will I really go to heaven? If heaven for real?

Change-anticipatory grief

Future-What will the future look like with the environment, the possibility of war, the stock market, the job market, etc?

Not Leaving a Legacy-Am I doing enough with my life?

Not Being Remembered-Will anyone remember me when I am gone?

Growing Up

Aging

Pain

Unknown

So I wonder what fears are holding you back? And what fears might be holding this congregation back? Don’t worry! I am not going to ask you to name them out loud because I do not feel that is my place since I am not your pastor. I do encourage you to talk to Pastor Dale about your fears for yourself, for your loved ones, for your community, and for this faith community. And know that we all have fears and worries about the people and places we love. Former churches I have served have named fears such as-We don’t have enough children in Sunday School. We don’t have enough money to run the church. We don’t have enough people to serve on the council. Our community has more needs than we can meet. We don’t know our neighbors. Naming those fears out loud can help us move from being paralyzed by them to working to change them. They can energize us.

As I was thinking about this sermon, I heard Adam Hamilton on the radio talking about fear. He is the pastor of Church of the Resurrection United Methodist Church in Kansas and is a prolific writer. The book he was talking about that day was his latest book, Unafraid: Living with Courage and Hope in Uncertain Times.

In his book, Hamilton shares three principles he has learned about the fear of failure. “Most things are never as hard as your fear they will be” (86). For the disciples, this one seems very appropriate. While it might have seemed hard to ask Jesus for an explanation, how hard would it really be? The biggest thing holding them back seemed to be the fear of being seen as a failure by Jesus or by the other disciples.

The second principle is “‘Successful people [however you define success] are willing to do things that unsuccessful people are unwilling to do’. Fear keeps many people and organizations from ever reaching their real potential” (86-87). One of the disciples would have needed to do what the others were unwilling to do-admit what he didn’t know and ask for help in understanding. By admitting what one does not know, we can grow and learn. By one disciple taking the risk of looking dumb, all of them could have learned what Jesus was talking about and their fears may have been eased.

“And the third principle, which I’ve hard with many leaders over the years, I call ‘discernment by nausea’. Often when you come to a fork in the road, a decision you have to make between taking this path or another, you’ll find that one path seems easier, safer, and more convenient. More often than not, though, the other path—the one that’s harder, riskier, more inconvenient, the one that leaves you feeling a bit nauseous when you think about it—is the one you should take. Jesus used different language to comment on the same phenomenon. He noted that life tends to present us with two roads we could take. One is broad and easy, yet it leads to destruction. The other is narrow and hard, but it leads to life” (87). If you have ever been in a situation like this one the disciples find themselves in, “discernment by nausea” perfectly describes how they must have been feeling. The easy answer is to not ask the question, to hide in the back, to let the fear rule your choices. The hard answer is to look at Jesus, ignore the feeling of nausea that is creeping up from your stomach, and ask the hard question knowing that this answer leads to life and understanding.

Fear is a natural reaction for the disciples then and Jesus’ disciples today to have. Fear is healthy. There are things we should be afraid of and avoid. Snakes, bears, spiders, alligators, so for me they are basically animals. My husband added laundry to this list which I don’t love to do and don’t count as a fear to be avoided at all costs!

And sometimes our fears start to run our lives

In my work as a hospice chaplain, family members and patients may be afraid to ask the big questions. So I ask the question is anything worrying you today? This is my way of encouraging everyone to name fears without saying the word fears, so we can work on the worries together. Sometimes I get answers like, “I’m 95. What do I have to worry about? I know I’m dying, and I know where I’m going.” I often hear people who worry how the family will get along or cope after their loved ones dies. I hear from people who have financial concerns. Some people are sad they won’t be present for upcoming events in the lives of those they love. And some of them worry that God can’t forgive them or doesn’t love them enough or what if heaven doesn’t exist? All normal questions to ask and worry about and even be afraid of as you are facing your own death or the death of a loved one. So in my work, I encourage people to ask these big scary questions. Say them out loud. Put them out in the open. And they become a little less scary, a little less powerful, a little less reason to be afraid. There is something about naming our own fears that makes them less scary.

What if, in today’s Scripture, one disciple had the courage to name the fear, to ask the question that all of them were wondering?

Where does the fear lead the 1^st century disciples? To seek superiority. They don’t want to admit that they were afraid so they argue about something ridiculous. Can you imagine telling Jesus you were arguing about who is the greatest. This is Jesus who is the King of the humble list and self-less and his students are arguing about something that is the opposite of his teachings. All of this happened because they were too afraid to ask a clarifying question.

The word fear is also used in the Bible to describe how we should respond to God. Hamilton said in his book, “When we fear God—when we revere, respect, and stand in awe of God—we fear everything else a little less” (208). Dorothy Bernard is quoted as saying, “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” Those two ideas are what connect the words from James with what we have been thinking about from Mark’s gospel. When we have a reverence, a healthy respect for, and stand in awe of God, it changes our focus. We have prayed and have the courage to move from fear to wanting to seek God’s wisdom. We want to be those who are “peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy” (3:17).

As those who are surrounded by things we could fear and instead join together in courage to seek God’s wisdom and peace. I’d like to end with the words of the World Peace Prayer.

Lead us from death to life,

From falsehood to truth,

From despair to hope,

From fear to trust.

Lead us from hate to love,

From war to peace:

Let peace fill our hearts,

Let peace fill our world,

Let peace fill our universe. Amen.