Writings

Book Review-Hospice Whispers: Stories of Life

Leave a Comment

Hospice Whispers: Stories of Life 

Rev. Dr. Carla Cheatham
I highly recommend this book for anyone who has cared for a loved one who was dying, anyone who works in a helping profession, anyone who loves stories of ordinary and extraordinary people, and anyone who wants a glimpse into the world of hospice.

I do this work everyday and I still found myself crying in a restaurant while reading this book. These stories will tug at your heart, make you smile and cry, and give you insights into why hospice workers keep coming back to work day after day.

Ask any hospice worker and we will share stories like this with you. We’ll also share our mistakes too. Like the time I was sitting with my patient’s wife. He had just died and she was tearfully holding his hand. I told her how much I enjoyed visiting with them and how they’d been a good team for so long. She responded, “68 years.” I said, “That’s a long time.” She looked me in the eye and said, “Not long enough.” And she’s right, when you love someone it is never long enough.

This book uses stories to tell what we do and don’t do in hospice. You will be impressed by the work of all the disciplines on the hospice team. “This book was intended to point to the rich gifts and experiences that punctuate what seems to the outside world an impossibly sad job. My hope was to make death seem a little less scary, to make hospice just a little better understood, to help families and even patients feel just a little more prepared for what the process can look like” (174).
I am thankful to my supervisor who gave me this book for Christmas last year. I am thankful that I (finally) took the time to sit down and read it. This book is a gift. I hope you’ll read it and open yourself to the joy that is contained within these pages.
If you ever have the chance to hear Carla speak, please go. I have heard her multiple times and every time it was worth it. She speaks to a variety of audiences, and I know she will have something to say to you that you need to hear.

It’s Okay to Cry

2 Comments
It’s Okay to Cry
In my work as a hospice chaplain, I have the privilege to spend time with a variety of people. I learn from them. As I was sitting with a man who is reflecting on his life as his death nears, I asked him about his life. He shared-
God is good.
Time goes by so fast.
And I wonder if I always remembered to tell my people I love them.
Those are three good lessons to ponder and live.
And here is a fourth. I was sitting with a woman who has dementia and whose husband is dying. She has difficulty finding the words she wants to say. She is aware of the changes she is seeing in her spouse of many, many years. And as I was talking with her she began to cry. I said, “It’s okay to cry”, and she repeated the phrase over and over.
So today I hope you find strength, peace, and hope in the words of our elders who are nearing the end of their journey. I hope you’ll read these words and share them with others who need to hear them.
God is good.
Time goes by so fast.
And I wonder if I always remembered to tell my people I love them.
It’s okay to cry.

Psalm 24 Benediction

1 Comment

A benediction as the week draws to an end.

In a world that feels divided, let us remember, friends, that “The earth is the Lord’s and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it” (Psalm 24:1). This is a reminder that God loves each and every person here on Earth. God loves this planet we call home. God loves the animals, the rivers, the lakes, the mountains, the deserts. God created this planet and called it good. So, as you go out into God’s world, go knowing you belong to the One who created all you see. Go knowing God loves you and wants you to enjoy this beautiful world where you live. Amen.

 

Go in Peace Knowing You Are Loved

1 Comment
This week as I was writing this benediction I was searching for a feeling of peace. I was longing for that peace that passes all understanding to be with me in my life. So, as you read this, know this benediction is for you and for me.
To set the mood for this benediction, I suggest having the piano played softly. Something soothing and not too familiar. Let the music play for 30 seconds to a minute to bring a sense of calm.
Friends, the time has come for us to leave this place. Here we have sought sanctuary. Here we have heard God’s good news. Here we have been reminded we are loved. Hold those things in your hearts as you move out into the world. When you leave this place, be sanctuary for those who need a safe place to be. When you leave this place, live the good news with your actions and your attitude. When you leave this place, love God, your neighbor, and yourself. Know you are God’s beloved and go in God’s own peace. Amen.

Here, I Pause!

2 Comments
Here I pause in my sojourning
giving thanks for having come
come to trust at every turning
God will guide me safely home. 
 
–Come, O Fount of Every Blessing, 459 New Century Hymnal
 
In church, we sang these words, and they stayed with me. It is easy to not go to church-as one who used to work in the church and now does not-I have a much better understanding of how many others things pull at our attention. So as I was sitting in church singing these words, I felt like they were written for me. Coming into the church calms me. It feels like a pause and change from my daily life. In worship (especially when I am not leading worship), I am calmed. I breathe deeply. I feel connected.
I do give thanks for being in God’s house. I give thanks for being welcomed, for familiarity and comfort and for being challenged. I give thanks for God’s never-ending love for each of us. And I am reminded that God “will guide me safely home”.
Loving God, Today we hear your voice in song. We know that you want to spend time with us. We know your want us to live out our faith. We know you want us to slow down and look for you. Help us to do these things and help us to practice gratitude because when we stop to count our blessings it changes us too. Thank you, Holy One. Amen.

Always Say Thank You

Leave a Comment

After a rough week, I thought a glass of wine with dinner would taste good. When I went to the fridge in our garage to take out a bottle of wine, imagine my surprise when the first bottle I grabbed was half empty. I have no idea when this bottle was opened and my best guess is at least three months ago. So, I went on to bottle number two. (And don’t worry I did bring the half empty bottle into the house to empty and recycle). Now back to the full bottle of wine. I looked at it and thought it was a screw top wine, so I tried to twist it open and nothing happened. Now, I could have asked someone else in the house for help opening the wine. Instead I thought maybe it actually has a cork in it, so I got out the cork screw and tried to open it. I tried three times to open the screw top wine bottle with a cork screw. Finally, my husband saw what I was doing and opened he wine using the screw top. And because this story wasn’t funny enough the wine was not good. It tasted terrible. After all that, I had two sips of it. Of course the second sip was to make sure it was terrible, and it was.

I share this story to acknowledge that we all make mistakes, second guess ourselves, and try to solve problems in ways we know won’t work. When life is more challenging, it is difficult to be at our best, thinking creativity and finding solutions before problems exist. My prayer for myself and for all of you is that we can be kind to ourselves, take time to take care of ourselves when we are too tired, too worn out, too overwhelmed, too burdened.
Compassionate One,
Life can be hard and life is beautiful. You walk with us on easy days and hard days. You are with us when we are at the top of our game and when we’d prefer to crawl back under the covers. You are our constant support and giver of all good gifts. For days when nothing goes as planned, we ask your help in doing our best, keeping our sense of humor, and knowing that tomorrow is another day. For perfect days where everything goes as planned, remind us to still give thanks. Thank you, God for the gift of life and every other way you shower us with your blessings. We say thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.

A Thank You to Up with People

2 Comments
A Thank You to Up with People
Last Fall my husband and I traveled 5 hours to see an Up with People (UWP) show. It had been 11 years since our last show. If you are not familiar with UWP, it is a fantastic organization that has spent the last 50 years asking us to see each other as human beings, to work together for change, and to spread a message of hope and peace.
I first saw UWP in Sharon, Pennsylvania at a show with my grandparents when I was young. I remember loving the show and leaving singing the theme song with my sister. In 2006, I hosted a staff member and a cast member when they came to Wisconsin.
As I was enjoying the most recent show, I realized I need to thank UWP. Without UWP, I may never have met my husband. I married an Uppie (an UWP alum). He traveled across the United States, Canada, Norway, and Japan with UWP. My California born and raised husband moved to Wisconsin to attend college because of UWP. And we met in that Wisconsin town. So, I’d like to thank UWP for the ways it changed and shaped my husband’s life and mine. And thank you UWP for letting me marry into the family.
If UWP is in your neck of the woods, see a show or better yet become a host family. (When former cast mates get together, they always remember and share stories about host families).
If more people were for people
All people, everywhere
There’d be a lot less people to worry about
And a lot more people who care.
More than 50 years later and the theme song is still challenging us and calling us to work for hope and peace in our part of the world! Thank you Up with People!

Abide with Me

Leave a Comment

Sometimes in conversations with others I find myself drawn to a hymn as a result of words spoken. Abide with Me reminds me of God’s constant presence in our lives even during the most difficult days. It reminds me that no matter how often I feel that others let me down or disappoint me, God never does. So, I hope you’ll find words that bring you comfort on hard days and you will always know that no matter where you go or what happens, God abides with you.

 

“Abide with me: fast falls the eventide;
the darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide.”

Gracious God, I need your presence. I need to know you are with me right now and always. The sun has set and I need you.

“When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me. ”

I feel all alone. No one understands what is happening. Why am I all by myself facing this? God hear my cry and be here with me.

“Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away.
Change and decay in all around I see.
O Lord who changes not, abide with me.”

My life is slipping away and will end before I am ready. All I see are changes except in you, God. Your love and mercy are constant and I need your stability in my life when everything else keeps changing.

“I need your presence every passing hour.”

“I need thee every hour. Every hour I need thee.”

“What but your grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who like yourself my guide and strength can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, O abide with me.”

Whatever happens God, your presence is always with me. Thank you, God! On the good days and the terrible days, I know you abide with me. Amen.

Waiting and Grace

Leave a Comment

Recently I found myself waiting and waiting. It seemed there was nothing I could do until I heard from someone else on what to do next. And so I waited. I fixed myself a cup of tea. I put a load of laundry in the washer. I searched my blog for how many times I had written about waiting. And then, I waited some more.

For most of us, much of what we do in our work and personal lives depends on others, and other people depend on us. As I sat waiting I was wondering who out there might be waiting for me to complete something so they could move on to another task. The more I thought about that the more I realized that this was changing from thoughts on waiting to thoughts on grace. As I kept thinking and typing, I could feel myself becoming less frustrated. There are times I had dropped the ball and forgotten to follow up with someone. Most likely more times than I am even aware of because some people are too kind to tell me when I mess up. I do not know why writing this out has changed my attitude and yet it has. So my prayer for you today is that when you are tired of waiting and feeling frustration you will pray for the person and offer them grace because we all make mistakes and we all need grace.

God of Grace and Goodness, It is so hard to wait for someone else. I have so much to do that I can’t get started on yet because I am waiting. And yet, I wonder how many times I have made others wait for me. Grant me your peace as I offer some grace and a little more of my time. Send your peaceful presence into my thoughts and heart, so I may share your peace with others. And help others to grant me grace when I am the reason for their frustration. Help us to see how our lives are connected, Loving God. Amen.

Seeing Psalm 23 with New Eyes

Leave a Comment
Seeing Psalm 23 with New Eyes
When we hear something familiar, sometimes we stop listening. We think I’ve heard this before and I know it. In church we might think, I don’t need to listen because I grew up with this text. I understand. Our sacred texts were not meant to be read once or twice and ignored forevermore. Instead we were meant to immerse ourselves in these words and see what new meaning comes to us. We need to listen with our ears, our minds, and our hearts to hear and learn how God is revealing God’s own self to us in this place and time.
When I first thought about this way of looking at the Scripture, I thought it would be good for a kid’s time (children’s sermon) during worship. As I reflected on it more, I thought youth and adults need to have fun with Scriptures too. This could be applied to youth group, any age Sunday School class, a Bible Study group, in your own personal devotion time or even in place of the sermon one Sunday. So many options exist.
My idea is simple with so many ways to change it up to fit your circumstances. The simplest application is giving everyone a sheet of white paper and some crayons. Encourage them to listen while you read the Scripture (in this case, Psalm 23) and then use the paper to capture their illustration. You might read it a few times. You could read it a verse at a time and encourage everyone to keep adding to the illustration.
Of course, you could do this with play dough or pipe cleaners or fabric scraps or magazines and scissors or out in nature with leaves and sticks or with trash you collect while walking outside. The whole point of this idea is to take something that seems so familiar and help ourselves to see it with new eyes.
Make yourself new to us in old, familiar words. Open us to seeing you in new ways. Give us the courage to be creative and listen to our hearts. Lead us where you want us to go and at the end of the day bring us to a place of rest beside green pastures and still waters. Amen.