Writings

Lessons Learned from My Mom

8 Comments

Last week, my Mom died. I spent her final days with her. Her family surrounded her physically and with our love. Our hearts are broken. I found comfort in writing these words about her which were read at her service.

Lessons Learned from My Mom

-Love your people with your whole heart. Mom didn’t always say I love you out loud. She lived her love by being present with those she loved, by listening, by remembering. A few years ago, Becky decided she wanted her parents to say I love you out loud, so she trained them to end each phone conversation and visit with an I love you. Be like Mom and tell people you love them and make your actions match your words.

-Read a Book! We all know Mom loved to read. Her face lit up when she talked about a new book she was reading. While her husband didn’t share her love of reading, he would go with her to used book sales and repack her books so she got the most books possible in her box of books for one price and he would amuse himself in countless bookstores while Mom browsed and bought more books. In November, Mom and Susannah sorted through her vast book collection as Mom said, “I will never live long enough to read all these book.” It wasn’t a sad moment because they laughed as they realized that Mom’s personal library after sorting was still so large that it would take many lifetimes to read through. Be like Mom and read a book.

-Spoil your grandchildren. While Mom loved her husband, daughters and sons-in-law, the joy she felt for Ella and Reid was immeasurable. Grandma Marilyn as they called her made each day special for them with time for playing together and as that got harder for her plenty of time for snuggling in her chair. Grandma Marilyn was so proud of the amazing people her grandchildren are and knew they were going to do great things in their life. Be like Grandma Marilyn and spoil your grandchildren with love.

-Keep your promises. On a hot summer day in 1971, a very much younger Marilyn married Paul. And for the next 49.5 years, they were partners in life. It could not have been easy being a pastor’s wife, never living near family, moving multiple times and starting over in a new strange place, and yet Paul’s call to ministry was Marilyn’s call too. They had different temperaments and interests, and a common purpose to love each other and raise a family. And in the good times and hard times, they were there for each other. Be like Marilyn and keep your promises.

-Love your work. For many years, Mom’s work was raising her children and being involved in church. When Becky was in high school, Mom started working at Walmart. She loved the people she worked with and the people she helped. When she started, she worked overnights so she didn’t miss any of Becky’s activities or sports. When she moved to the Bloomington store, she switched to day shift. She showed up for work each day with a smile on her face and brightened the days of her coworkers and customers. She always had a fun story to tell about what happened today at Walmart. Whatever work you do, be like Mom and do it with a smile.

-Live your faith. Mom believed in living her faith by loving others and sharing what she had. Her faith was private to her, and yet it was obvious in the way she lived and the choices she made. She loved God with her whole heart and all of her neighbors as herself. Be like Mom and live your faith!

-Laugh! Mom loved to laugh. She laughed often although not too often at Dad’s bad jokes because those usually got an eye roll. When Mom really got laughing, she went into silent mode. Mom would be laughing so hard that no sound would come out and she would jiggle and her face would turn bright red. When that happened you had to laugh along because you knew it was funny. The world needs more laughter, be like Mom and laugh.

-Be strong. Mom was never one to complain. She dealt with pain, the challenges of her illness, and the unknown with strength. As we are all here grieving, try to be strong like Mom.

Mom and I laughing together in December.

Life Lessons from a Six-Year-Old!

6 Comments

Today is my nephew’s 6th birthday. As I have aged, I have found it easier and easier to rush through life from one task to the next without pausing for fun or noticing the world around me. The younger people in my life remind me to slow down and have fun. 

So in honor of his 6 years on earth, I share with you 6 life lessons I have learned from my nephew.

1-Always order dessert when offered! It doesn’t matter if you can finish the whole dessert. Life is filled with many sweet things and we should enjoy them.

Making dirt cake for Grandma!

2-Be crafty! For Christmas, I got this little guy, 6 rolls of Scotch tape because he loves to take a cardboard box, some scissors, and a roll of tape and be creative. You don’t have to make a cardboard car or a holder for your Aunt’s socks without mates. You can look at regular object around your house and find ways to give them new life. Be like Crafty Sam.

Cardboard box, scissors, and tape!

3-Use your cute eyes! Whenever my nephew wants something special like Grandpa’s mac’n’cheese or some extra play time, we encourage him to use his cute eyes. He’ll stop what he is doing and look right at you with the sweetest look on his face. It makes me wonder what if we took the time to look at each other when asking for a favor or help. Slow down and look at another person. See their humanity.

Cute eyes!

4-Say I’m sorry! Lest you think I view my nephew as a perfect child, let me assure you that this energetic 6 year old gets in trouble more than his parents would prefer. He has learned to say he is sorry when he hurts someone else. Do any of us need a reminder today to apologize when we have caused hurt? And maybe a reminder to simply say I’m sorry without excuses-just say I’m sorry when someone else needs to hear it. It isn’t easy when you are six and it isn’t any easier for those of us who are older.

I’m sorry!

5-There’s always time for fun! If you let my nephew plan the activities for a day, be prepared to-run around chasing him or being chased, eat three meals plus snacks, make a craft, run more, build a fort, walk through the woods, run again, color and then run, take a five minute rest which is about 30 seconds for him and then do the whole list again while also playing with dinosaurs, building a puzzle, having a stuffie fight (which means you are tossing stuffed animals at each other and laughing a lot). Just a regular day planned by someone who is 6. I hope you see in that plan that there is always time for fun. How might you add some fun to your day?

Blanket Fort!

6-Say I love you! Everyone wants to hear I love you and it feels good to tell someone you love them. If you aren’t in the habit of saying I love you, why not try it? We all want to know we are loved.

I love you, Grandma!

So that’s your to do list for today-have some dessert, be creative, use what you’ve got, say I’m sorry, make time for fun, and say I love you.

Pray with me.

Creative One, You love us and call us to love others and ourselves. You made us creative beings and ask us to use the gifts we have been given. You created laughter and fun and encourage us to find joy in our days. You remind us to ask for forgiveness when we have done wrong. Continue to walk with us on this journey of life and open our eyes to see those who are brightening our paths by their very presence. Amen.

Getting Through December

2 Comments

We are halfway through the month of December. When I was younger, December was a month full of joy, happiness, and expectations. December meant time with relatives, once a year traditions, good food, and so much love. This wasn’t the same for everyone even when they were young. And as I have aged, I have become more aware of the range of emotions that the month of December stirs up for people. For some, December is a month filled with grief and sadness and regret and loneliness. For some, December is a time of not being able to live up to expectations. For some, December doesn’t bring the peace they long to find.

A song that sums up for me the less discussed feelings of this month is Over the Rhine’s “If We Make It Through December”-“If we make it through December
Everything’s gonna be alright I know
It’s the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the falling snow

If we make it through December
Got plans to be in a warmer town come summertime
Maybe even California
If we make it through December we’ll be fine”


I invite you to keep this idea in your mind as you move about the next half of the month. For so many this month won’t look like they have hoped-families may be celebrating via Zoom instead of together, empty seats will remind us of the loved ones who are no longer with us, finances may be tighter than other years, fears of illness may be causing additional stress, and so many other stresses and worries and fears and concerns and possibilities may be keeping people up at night. And if none of this is true for you, it is true for someone you know and love.

So as much as I would love to end with some cheerful words to made everything work out perfectly like the end of a perfectly scripted Hallmark movie (that was not an attack on Hallmark movies which bring much joy to so many), I am going to ask us to do the hard work. I am going to encourage you to sit with the hard feelings and not rush past them. When this month doesn’t meet your expectations, live in that feeling for awhile. When you are missing your loved ones, focus on the memories for a bit and allow yourself to be sad or cry or miss them. When you can’t imagine how things will work out, be angry and live in the heartbreak. And when you are ready, reach out to someone and share how you are feeling, write your feelings down, say out loud that the month of December is hard for you. If none of what you have read mirrors the way you have ever felt in December, I encourage you to be on the look out for those for whom these words ring true. They need you this month.

Hear again the words of the song as our benediction.

“If we make it through December
Everything’s gonna be alright I know
It’s the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the falling snow

If we make it through December
Got plans to be in a warmer town come summertime
Maybe even California
If we make it through December we’ll be fine” Amen!

Giving Thanks

Leave a Comment

We can all agree that this Thanksgiving is not like ones we have known in the past. I am not going to tell you how to celebrate this year as you can find many other places and people who have shared information about what are the best choices to make for the holidays.

Instead I want you to be aware of your emotions as you navigate the coming days.

What are you grieving? Write or verbalize those traditions that are not happening for you this year and how you feel about these changes.

Where are you giving thanks? Write or verbalize the people, places, things for which you are giving thanks today.

Where are you finding joy? Write or verbalize the current times you feel joy or memories that bring you joy.

Where are you having moments of peace? Write or verbalize when you feel peace and allow yourself to linger in your feelings of peace.

Let yourself feel the emotions that this reflection brings up. Cry, laugh, scream, smile, and do what you need to do as you live with the emotions that come up this holiday.

Counting Down Sleeps

1 Comment

I shared a version of this reflection with my coworkers at Coastal Hospice as part of our ongoing weekday inspirational calls. I am thankful for those calls where I can hear the reflections and prayers of my colleagues as well as take the time to reflect and write from my heart.

When I was young, my paternal grandmother was the epitome of a grandmother. She baked my favorite cookies. She read me bedtime stories. She rocked dolls and ate pretend meals cooked up by my sister and me. She took us to church each Sunday. She loved her grandchildren fiercely.

Sadly, I never had the privilege of living close to either set of my grandparents. Instead we would spend about a month each summer with each side of the family. While I didn’t see my grandparents on a daily basis, I was part of their daily lives for a month each summer and then for shorter visits throughout the year.

In order to help her grandchildren prepare for an upcoming event, my grandmother taught us to countdown the sleeps until a big day. Instead of how many days until we visited, we would be asked how many sleeps until a visit?

I have attempted to pass this way of anticipating an upcoming exciting event down to my niece and nephew. I want them to know the same excitement I felt as a child when I was too excited to sleep when waiting for something good to happen.

And recently my heart was warmed and I began to feel that same excitement when my mother said, how many more sleeps? I did the countdown and shared the number.

My mother’s question is a reminder that we are never too old to count down sleeps in anticipation of something which is worth the wait!

You are welcome to borrow our family ritual and start counting down the sleeps. Or create a ritual of your own that helps you feel that sense of excitement as you prepare yourself for someone or something worth the wait!

God, We want things instantly. We are not good at waiting. Slow us down. Remind us that waiting is preparing. In waiting we may learn. Help us to move from our time to your time and trust in your goodness. Give us patience in a world that doesn’t always have time for patience. Slow us down as we begin to count toward those things and people worth the wait. Amen.

Grandma and two of her granddaughters.

Return to What You Love

2 Comments

Have you had a time in your life when you didn’t want to do something you enjoyed doing? A time when you lacked the energy and ambition to do something which normally feeds your soul? You might have noticed that the hours turned into days and the days turned into weeks. I have been struggling with this lately as I have had no interest in writing. Normally, I enjoy writing reflections on life and faith, prayers and words for worship, and book reviews and then I share those writing with each one of you. We are not here to analyze why I haven’t been writing as that is not the point of this time. Instead I want to reflect on how I started writing again in the hopes that this might inspire you when you are not able to do what you long to do.


1-Give yourself time. (We all need a break now and then even from those things we feel called to do. Give yourself permission to stop for a time. Breathe deeply and be patient with yourself).


2-Reflect on what is blocking your ability to proceed. (When you are ready, take an inventory of your days. How are you spending your time and how would you like to spend your time? When your inspiration returns is there time in your schedule to do what you love? And if your reasons for taking a break from something you love are emotionally or spiritually related, talk with someone you trust who can listen and affirm you).


3-Jump, run, or walk back into that task or activity you love. (After giving yourself time, try to come back. Go as slowly or quickly as is comfortable for you. Try it. If it doesn’t feel right, return to steps one and two until you are ready. And if it fits like your favorite pair of pants, then smile and be glad and keep doing what you love).


As with all things I write, I needed this today. I am hopeful that these words might support you through a tough time and remind you that you are not alone.

Join me in prayer-
Creating God, You created us to be creative beings. Some days it is easy to be our creative selves and some days it is so hard. We delight in knowing you are here with us on the hard days as well as on our easy days. Inspire us to use the gifts you gave us for good especially for the good of others. Remind us to be kind with ourselves and with each person with whom we interact this day. In your holy name we pray. Amen.

Look for Joy!

1 Comment

Each day, I look for joy. Where is the joy in your day? Even on hard days, sad days, long days, rainy days, there may be joy if you keep your senses open for joy.

Too often, I think we want joy to be big and noteworthy. Waiting for big joy can cause us to overlook the small moments of joy that exist even when things are hard.

This week my Mom asked me to make her favorite Rice Krispy treats. She has been making this recipe since I was a kid. You boil one cup of Karo syrup with one cup of white sugar. When that is boiling, shut off the stove and add in one cup of peanut butter. Stir it up and then add in six cups of Rice Krispies. Dump the whole mixture into a greased 9×13 pan. Enjoy! In the midst of a hard week, we enjoyed a favorite treat.

For me, searching for the joy in each day helps me navigate the hard days. I know there is joy to be found in a laugh, a smile, a moment of calm, a walk around the block. Look for joy as a way to renew your spirit today.

My Mom, my sister, and I finding joy in our day!

Go Outside and Try Again!

Leave a Comment

Late in 2019, I was introduced to “1000 Hours Outside“. This is the encouragement to increase the amount of time spent outside to lessen the amount of time spent in front of screens/inside. It was created to encourage taking children outside more and evolved to include adults too. I jumped into this idea with both feet on January 1st. I began to track my time outside. I printed the countdown sheet where I could cross off every hour until I reached my goal of 1000 hours. You will not be shocked to know that I did not make big progress toward my goal in the cold, wet days of January.
And for those of you who love math, 1000 hours averages about 2 hours and 45 minutes a day. This has been a long year, so you may not remember that January 2020 on the Eastern Shore of Maryland was not a month that inspired me to sit outside or hike outside or be outside.

My excitement for this project turned to disappointment and discouragement. And, I quit. I took my countdown worksheet and I crumpled it up because I was so defeated. I recycled it.
That isn’t the end of the story. This idea of getting outside more-of intentially choosing to be outside-stayed with me. As 2020 unfolded in ways none of us dreamed possible, I had more opportunities to be outside. We are now being encouraged to eat outside and be outside more and more.
What could be seen as a massive failure-I have no idea how many hours I spent outside this year because I stopped counting in January-could instead be seen as taking someone else’s idea and making it work for me. Because this idea has stayed with me, I find myself feeling pulled to be outside more to sit and watch the clouds, or walk through my neighborhood or the local park, or even to do yardwork not because I love yard work and instead because I love how good it looks when the work is done.

I hope my failed attempt to keep track of how many hours I spent outside this year inspires you to look at something in your life that could be considered a failure or an unfinished project or something you never started because it would never end and you make it work for you. Do it in your own way. Try it. Let the ideas of others in and use them in ways that work for you.

God of All Creation,
We can be too hard on ourselves for those things we call failures. Help us to reframe our ideas as opportunities. Use our creativity to create new paths instead of obstacles. Push us outside of our comfort zones to places where we might change and grow. When we do go outside, open us to experience the wonder of creation. We give thanks to you, God, for being part of your creation and being your beloved children. Amen.

Sitting outside giving thanks for the beauty.

Cultivating a Sense of Wonder

2 Comments

When was the last time you used your sense of wonder? When was the last time you stared in awe at an object and were amazed by it? When was the last time you watched something and wondered how does that work? How long has it been since you saw two or three or four things and thought if I put them together they will create something new?
For some of us and unfortunately for probably many of us, the demands of life impinge on our time to develop our sense of wonder. Many children do not let anything get in the way of their time to create and explore. In fact, this is how my nephew earned his nickname, Crafty Sam. One rainy summer day when he was visiting, he saw one of his three favorite objects a cardboard box. He asked for his two other favorite things Scotch tape and a pair of scissors. He sat down on the floor and got to creating. What his Aunt sees as a pile needing to be recycled is for him a collection of cardboard waiting to be transformed by his imagination. So, I sat down beside him and asked how I could assist. He held up a box and said this is going to be a clothes hamper. And like too many of us adults do, I began to doubt. That box is too small to be a clothes hamper. I don’t need another clothes hamper. And, I pushed those questions down and instead asked him what clothes would go into this new clothes hamper. And Crafty Sam said, “Obviously, small clothes like socks and underwear because it is a small hamper.” I sat on the floor and took followed his directions for the pattern he saw in his head. I guess I did a good job because that day I earned the nickname, Crafty Suz. 
That small clothes hamper created with only part of a shoebox, a pair of scissors, lots of Scotch tape, and a sense of wonder sits on my dresser. I have learned that if I place a pair of dirty socks in it as requested by its creator then I forget to wash those socks. So for creativity to meet practiciality, it is now home to my socks without friends which you might call socks searching for their partners.
What can we learn from Crafty Sam, other children, the more creative types among us? Cultivate your sense of wonder. For you, that might be creating something from ordinary objects like Crafty Sam. You might take all the leftovers in the fridge and create a new, and hopefully delicious, meal. You could take that box of memories and make a scrapbook. Another idea is going outside and listening. Close your eyes and hear the sounds around you and imagine what you aren’t seeing. Or stare up at the sky for awhile and watch the way it changes when we simply pay attention. Let yourself daydream using the what ifs from your life, and if in that time you discover something you want to change, change it. 
I recognize that after reading this you are returning to regular life which left me pondering how to conclude in a way that encourages a sense of wonder combined with the necessity to do what must be done this day, and so as I contemplated how to conclude this time I thought I should leave you with a three step plan of how to include wonder in your daily life. And then I realized (and not as quickly as I should have realized) that I was falling right back into my old routines with no room left for my sense of wonder. So, I am not going to tie this up in a box and a bow for you with all the answers and instead I’m going to encourage you today and in the coming days to cultivate your sense of wonder-by looking, listening, feeling, tasting, and smelling the ways you can explore and experience that which exists around you.
Creative One, Life gets busy and we hurry and rush and keep our eyes trained on the next thing that must be done. Slow us down. Distract us with a bird or a flower or a cloud in the sky. We feel this need to be productive at all times. Slow us down to listen to another person, to read a book, write a letter, look at a picture. Slow us down and remind us to be and to breathe. Amen and Amen.  

Crafty Suz assisting Crafty Sam in making a creation.



Good Tired-A Reflection on Harry Chapin’s Quote

2 Comments

I shared this reflection this morning with a group of Coastal Hospice staff. I hope you find it as meaningful as they did.


As I was driving home from work last night, I sighed and said out loud to myself in the car, “I am tired.” And I paused to reflect on what type of tired I was feeling…was I good tired or bad tired? 


Let me step back for a moment and explain. When I was a child, one of my favorite cassette tapes we listened to as a family was Harry Chapin’s Greatest Stories Live. My sister and I learned every word to every song on that tape. Harry Chapin’s best known song is Cats in the Cradle which he wrote and sang and many singers have covered that song throughout the years. To this day, he is my favorite singer and songwriter even though he died when I was young. 

In addition to writing many, many songs some of his albums also include quotes like this one.


“My grandfather was a painter. He died at age eighty-eight, he illustrated Robert Frost’s first two books of poetry, and he was looking at me and he said, “Harry, there’s two kinds of tired. There’s good tired and there’s bad tired.” He said, “Ironically enough, bad tired can be a day that you won. But you won other people’s battles; you lived other people’s days, other people’s agendas, other people’s dreams. And when it’s all over, there was very little you in there. And when you hit the hay at night, somehow you toss and turn; you don’t settle easy.
It’s that good tired, ironically enough, can be a day that you lost, but you don’t even have to tell yourself because you knew you fought your battles, you chased your dreams, you lived your days and when you hit the hay at night, you settle easy, you sleep the sleep of the just and you say ‘take me away’”.”

And as I reflected on this quote and my day, I realized I was good tired. I have a job where I can utilize my gifts and talents. And this is my hope for you. I hope the work you do leaves you good tired knowing that you as part of the hospice and palliative care team are working with people at a difficult time in their lives and you can make it a little less difficult. What I love about this work is being part of a large team—most of whom I do not know the intricacies of your jobs, and what I do know is that each one of us is needed to ensure that we can promote dignity and quality of life for patients and families who face life-limiting conditions.

My hope is that the next time you are feeling tired at the end of the day you take a moment to determine if you are good tired or bad tired. If you find yourself bad tired, please consider how you can put more of yourself into your day. We need you and the gifts you bring. The world needs you and the love you have to share. And if you determine you are good tired, give thanks for a good day, “settle easy and sleep the sleep of the just.” 

Let us pray together-Holy One, Too often we find ourselves tired from work and life and responsibilities and so much more that fills our days. As you have made us all unique and full of different abilities, help us find ways to share ourselves with others so that at the end of day we can rest easy. Amen.