Hospice

I shared a version of this reflection with my coworkers at Coastal Hospice as part of our ongoing weekday inspirational calls. I am thankful for those calls where I can hear the reflections and prayers of my colleagues as well as take the time to reflect and write from my heart.

When I was young, my paternal grandmother was the epitome of a grandmother. She baked my favorite cookies. She read me bedtime stories. She rocked dolls and ate pretend meals cooked up by my sister and me. She took us to church each Sunday. She loved her grandchildren fiercely.

Sadly, I never had the privilege of living close to either set of my grandparents. Instead we would spend about a month each summer with each side of the family. While I didn’t see my grandparents on a daily basis, I was part of their daily lives for a month each summer and then for shorter visits throughout the year.

In order to help her grandchildren prepare for an upcoming event, my grandmother taught us to countdown the sleeps until a big day. Instead of how many days until we visited, we would be asked how many sleeps until a visit?

I have attempted to pass this way of anticipating an upcoming exciting event down to my niece and nephew. I want them to know the same excitement I felt as a child when I was too excited to sleep when waiting for something good to happen.

And recently my heart was warmed and I began to feel that same excitement when my mother said, how many more sleeps? I did the countdown and shared the number.

My mother’s question is a reminder that we are never too old to count down sleeps in anticipation of something which is worth the wait!

You are welcome to borrow our family ritual and start counting down the sleeps. Or create a ritual of your own that helps you feel that sense of excitement as you prepare yourself for someone or something worth the wait!

God, We want things instantly. We are not good at waiting. Slow us down. Remind us that waiting is preparing. In waiting we may learn. Help us to move from our time to your time and trust in your goodness. Give us patience in a world that doesn’t always have time for patience. Slow us down as we begin to count toward those things and people worth the wait. Amen.

I shared this reflection this morning with a group of Coastal Hospice staff. I hope you find it as meaningful as they did.

As I was driving home from work last night, I sighed and said out loud to myself in the car, “I am tired.” And I paused to reflect on what type of tired I was feeling…was I good tired or bad tired? 

Let me step back for a moment and explain. When I was a child, one of my favorite cassette tapes we listened to as a family was Harry Chapin’s Greatest Stories Live. My sister and I learned every word to every song on that tape. Harry Chapin’s best known song is Cats in the Cradle which he wrote and sang and many singers have covered that song throughout the years. To this day, he is my favorite singer and songwriter even though he died when I was young. 

In addition to writing many, many songs some of his albums also include quotes like this one.

“My grandfather was a painter. He died at age eighty-eight, he illustrated Robert Frost’s first two books of poetry, and he was looking at me and he said, “Harry, there’s two kinds of tired. There’s good tired and there’s bad tired.” He said, “Ironically enough, bad tired can be a day that you won. But you won other people’s battles; you lived other people’s days, other people’s agendas, other people’s dreams. And when it’s all over, there was very little you in there. And when you hit the hay at night, somehow you toss and turn; you don’t settle easy.
It’s that good tired, ironically enough, can be a day that you lost, but you don’t even have to tell yourself because you knew you fought your battles, you chased your dreams, you lived your days and when you hit the hay at night, you settle easy, you sleep the sleep of the just and you say ‘take me away’”.”

And as I reflected on this quote and my day, I realized I was good tired. I have a job where I can utilize my gifts and talents. And this is my hope for you. I hope the work you do leaves you good tired knowing that you as part of the hospice and palliative care team are working with people at a difficult time in their lives and you can make it a little less difficult. What I love about this work is being part of a large team—most of whom I do not know the intricacies of your jobs, and what I do know is that each one of us is needed to ensure that we can promote dignity and quality of life for patients and families who face life-limiting conditions.

My hope is that the next time you are feeling tired at the end of the day you take a moment to determine if you are good tired or bad tired. If you find yourself bad tired, please consider how you can put more of yourself into your day. We need you and the gifts you bring. The world needs you and the love you have to share. And if you determine you are good tired, give thanks for a good day, “settle easy and sleep the sleep of the just.” 

Let us pray together-Holy One, Too often we find ourselves tired from work and life and responsibilities and so much more that fills our days. As you have made us all unique and full of different abilities, help us find ways to share ourselves with others so that at the end of day we can rest easy. Amen. 

I would like to talk about fishing. Growing up, my grandparents would take my sister and I fishing in a pond on their farm. We would load up all the necessary supplies into the pickup truck and then set out driving a little ways on the road and then through the field until we came to the fishing pond. Everyone would get their five gallon bucket and fishing pole. And I also brought a book. I wanted to be back at the house reading and had to fish. So, I would cast my line into the pond, see that my bobber was steady, sit on my bucket, and pick up my book. Someone would yell my name when my bobber went under. I would sigh and set down my book so I could reel in a fish. As you can tell this was not an activity I enjoyed.

Recently, my husband thought we should start fishing. All of the trips to the fishing pond came back to mind. Reluctantly, I agreed to fish with him. And I cannot tell you how surprised I was to discover that I am enjoying it. I find it so relaxing to stand on the dock, casting into the water, and slowly reeling it in. I find myself breathing slower and can feel my body relaxing as I fish. I have been watching sunsets and birds flying overhead. Lest you think I am a true fisher person. I am still happiest when I do not catch anything and can just enjoy the rhythm and action of casting out and reeling it in over and over.
So you can hear this reflection as an encouragement to try something again. Try something you didn’t enjoy and maybe this time you will. Disclaimer-you may still dislike the activity, and that is okay too!
Or maybe you will hear this as a call to go outside and soak in the beauty of nature.
Possibly, you are hearing a reminder to rest because God rested on the seventh day and your body needs rest too.
Holy One, we give you thanks this day for memories and new experiences. We are grateful for sunsets and time in your creation. We ask for strength to do the work you have called us to do. And as one of my hospice patients would always remind me, we can’t just pray for ourselves we have to pray for everyone else God loves too. So God, we remember your children around the world today. Ease the suffering. Mend the broken hearts. Feed those who are hungry and comfort everyone who is scared. Strengthen those fighting for justice and increase our compassion for each other. Hear our prayer and the prayers of all who call to you. Amen.