Hospice

Here is what is on my mind today…enjoying a lazy river. Picture this with me. You get an inner tube, position yourself in a comfortable manner, and float. The water propels you onward, so no need to paddle or swim or consider where you are going because the water will move you. You might bump into someone else on this journey or you may bounce off a wall. The water may move you swiftly or slowly and whatever the speed that is the perfect speed because you have nowhere to be right now except where you are. I forget how much I enjoy this carefree easy float until I do it again.

A few weeks ago, we took our niece to a local, outdoor waterpark. I started with the lazy river. I love the relaxation I feel as I float. Not getting anywhere fast just floating.

Then I went down a water slide and felt my heart beat faster as I plunged toward the pool at the bottom of the slide. Not my favorite thing and still something to try out when one is at a waterpark.

And then I walked back to the lazy river. I floated round and round until my fingers were wrinkled and muscles had relaxed. On one pass around the river, I looked at my husband and saw him looking the most relaxed I have seen him in weeks or maybe months.

On the lazy river, you can look up at the clouds floating by or stare into the water or close your eyes because you are not steering anyway.

This isn’t a commercial to go to a waterpark. This is an encouragement for you to ponder what or where is your lazy river? What place or experience allows you to relax and unwind? And how can you schedule time to do that regularly enough to renew your spirit?

Creator of Sun and Rain, Water and Dry Land, and all that we know. We call on you now to help us renew our spirits. Inspire us to know how we might draw closer to you. Lead us to our lazy rivers where we might float away our worries and trust in you again. Bring us peace this day, we pray. Amen.

While this blog post is entitled “talking with children about death”, the information contained here can be used for any difficult topic that must be discussed with children.

Here are some important things to remember.

1)Answer the question that is being asked. No need to share too much information. Simply answer the question being asked in age-appropriate words and descriptions.

2)Be honest. If you don’t have an answer, say that. If this is hard for you to talk about, say that. Children want to know the truth as they are figuring out how to navigate this world.

3)Remain true to your beliefs. When answering questions about death, don’t tell your children things that don’t align with your belief system. If you are answering questions for someone else’s child, ask the child what they have been told by a guardian already to ensure that you are supporting the beliefs of the family.

4)Share your feelings. You do not need to share all your feelings with the children in your life when you are grieving (it is good to have other adults who you can turn to), however letting a child see you sad or crying or angry at death can help them know it is okay to have and express emotions.

In February, my Mom died. Her grandchildren were left with so many questions as she was such an important part of their lives. I am sharing some of the questions asked because they may help someone else tread these challenging times and it is healing for me to share these stories. And the questions whirling in the heads of children are often not the questions that adults wonder, so it can be helpful to read what other children have asked.

When my 6 year old nephew saw Mom’s cell phone was still sitting on her table beside her chair, he asked why Grandma didn’t take her cell phone to heaven? If only Grandma had taken her phone, we could still talk to her. We responded to this question by saying that we wished cell phones worked in heaven because we wanted to talk to her too. And when my 9 year old niece asked to send one final “I love you” text to Grandma’a phone, we let her knowing it was her way to enact an important ritual for a final time.

When we arrived to the funeral home for the visitation and saw Mom’s body in the casket, my nephew said, “Are we in heaven?” We responded that this was not heaven and it was the funeral home. He said if this isn’t heaven why is Grandma here? We responded that Grandma’s spirit was in heaven and this was our time to say goodbye to her. Then he asked if her legs had already gone to heaven because they were covered by the bottom half of the casket.

Recently, my Dad and nephew went to the cemetery to see where Mom is buried. My nephew said, “I miss Grandma. Do you?” Dad replied simply, “Yes, I miss her too.”

My final suggestion to you is be kind to yourself as you grieve and help those you love grieve. Grief is good, hard work. We grieve because we have loved and been in close relationships with others. Give yourself time to grieve, and when possible, be extra kind to those you know who are also grieving.

God of all the broken hearted, you see our tears. You feel our sadness. You know how we feel because you feel it too. On our grief journeys, strengthen us when the way ahead is too hard to go alone. When it is all too much, tell us to stop and rest and then try again. Remind us to be kind to ourselves and each other because we all feel the pain of deaths of loved ones. Hold our broken hearts in your compassionate hands, Faithful One. We pray this prayer in the name of Jesus whose own heart broke many times too. Amen.

This is modified from an inspirational call I led this morning for Coastal Hospice.

Prior to my time here at Coastal Hospice, I spent over a decade working with youth in a number of different churches. Youth ministry is a fun and challenging ministry that requires kindness, compassion, creativity, and lots of energy. We would often spend some time playing games or doing ice breakers as we got to know each other better. One of my favorite get to know you games is would you rather. Here’s how this game works. You have to pick between the two options. If you like both options, you must pick one. If you like neither option, you must pick one. One way to play is we could have everyone who picks option a move to the left and everyone who picks option b move to the right. Or we could raise hands with our preferred choice to have less chaos and movement. I would love to know how you will answer these questions as would you rather is best played in person.

Would you rather live near the beach or near the mountains?

Would you rather travel into space or under water in a submarine?

Would you rather only drink coffee or tea for the rest of your life?

If you could only have one for the rest of your life, would you pick catchup or mustard?

Would you rather watch the sunrise or sunset?

Would you rather find $5 on the ground or find all your missing socks?

Would you rather swim in the ocean or in a pool?

Would you rather be 6 or 16 again?

Would you rather go two weeks without a shower or a month without brushing your teeth?

Would you rather read a book or watch tv?

Would you rather every day was winter or summer?

Would you rather do a job you love for very little money or a a job you don’t enjoy for a million dollars a year?

You might wonder why I asked all these questions. Our lives are filled with so many choices. I wanted to start your week with a series of fun, funny, and challenging questions. So, blessings on this week ahead. May the choices you need to make be easier than a game of would you rather.

Pray with me.

God, each day we have many choices in our lives. Some easy, some hard. Be with us in this new week as we make many decisions. Guide us. Give us strength. Give us wisdom. Give us patience. May we start this new week with hope for the good work we will do. Grant us peace. Amen.