Today marks five years since the death of my Mom. I miss her. I spent time today wondering through Barnes and Noble (which she loved to do), looking at pictures of her, and remembering.
And I spent time thinking about what grief looks like for me. It is now much different from that initial grief when I could cry so easily and the missing her was an intense ache. Today, there were tears and sadness and a longing for her to have not been absent the past five years. The feelings change even as they linger.
I want to normalize grief and death in our society. We all grieve, and we will all die. It is not something we must think about all of the time until we are preoccupied with it. Also, we do not need to fear it or ignore it or pretend it will never happen to us.
For me, rituals have been helpful in coping with the deaths of people I love. I find ways that are meaningful to me to mark important days. I honor my Mom’s birthday and the day of her death. My whole family honors cheeseburger day which is the day she and my sister completed chemo (same day different years).
Honoring these big days in my Mom’s life is one way I hold on to her memory while also living my life as part of her legacy.
In honor of my Mom, I invite you to read a book, wear comfy pants, put your feet up and cover up with a blanket, eat a food you enjoy, hug your family, laugh out loud or silently, watch a movie you have seen countless times, go buy a book you may never read, visit your local library, build something with Legos, or just smile and be thankful for your life.
Today is also the anniversary of my mom’s death. It’s been 39 years for me and the rituals I once kept have faded. It feels like a strange day to inhabit all these years later. Here with you in the love and wonder of this grief.
Thank you for sharing your story. Glad to have your support and be with you on this day.
Susannah. Thanks for sharing how you honor your mom’s passing and how grief changes over time.
After reading your reflection, I spent some time with thoughts of my own losses-my dear husband, mom, dad, and other loved ones. It was good. Also, my dear
sister-in-law died this past Saturday. The grief continues. Another sweet soul to remember.
Thank you for sharing about those you love who have died. Praying for you with your recent and not as recent grief.
Your mom was one special lady!
She sure was!