Cleaning Out and Looking Back!

When I left St. Giles Presbyterian Church over 5.5 years ago, I sorted through seven years of ministry in one place and narrowed it down to a few boxes of paper and many boxes of books. I am focusing today on the paper and not how many books I still have…although truth be told the number has decreased significantly. In the one of the boxes of files, I found calendars from each year I served a church. These calendars are made by the denomination and leave more room on Sundays as that is the busy day of the week in the church.

I took the calendars out of the box and sorted through the papers first. Most of the paper is being recycled as it is no longer something I need. The calendars stayed in their pile. Should I keep them? Why should I keep them? I opened the first one from 2004, and I was not prepared for the flood of emotions that came to me. I read of meetings with people I have not seen in years. I saw notes about preaching dates and education opportunities. I saw the way I used to write the letter R in the corner as a reminder for the weeks my then boyfriend was working. I saw notes about plays and sporting events and parties I attended for the youth who were a major part of my ministry. As I turned the pages, I got married, moved to a new state and church, bought a house, said good-bye to my best friend, watched my husband graduate, said good-bye to family members while welcoming others to the family. So many memories in these pages.

And then I was even more torn. Now that I know what is in those pages, do I keep them? Or is this blog post enough of a memory? Or better still should I hold on to the memories in my heart that have dulled the hurts over time and brightened the good moments?

Writing this has given me the courage to say good-bye to these calendars. I am thankful for these years of ministry and all that I experienced. I am thankful for the mentors and the supportive ones who guided me. I am working on being thankful for those who challenged me and made my work harder than it needed to be. I am thankful for the children and youth who are no longer children and youth and love hearing about the amazing adults they are. I am thankful for all those who volunteered countless hours to ensure each person who came through the doors knew they were loved. I am thankful for the ways I was welcomed into homes and lives of so many faithful people. And I ask forgiveness for the mistakes I made and the hurts I caused. My prayer is that all whose names are listed in those calendars and all who ministered along side me will know God’s peace and love today.