Writings

Cleaning Out and Looking Back!

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When I left St. Giles Presbyterian Church over 5.5 years ago, I sorted through seven years of ministry in one place and narrowed it down to a few boxes of paper and many boxes of books. I am focusing today on the paper and not how many books I still have…although truth be told the number has decreased significantly. In the one of the boxes of files, I found calendars from each year I served a church. These calendars are made by the denomination and leave more room on Sundays as that is the busy day of the week in the church.

I took the calendars out of the box and sorted through the papers first. Most of the paper is being recycled as it is no longer something I need. The calendars stayed in their pile. Should I keep them? Why should I keep them? I opened the first one from 2004, and I was not prepared for the flood of emotions that came to me. I read of meetings with people I have not seen in years. I saw notes about preaching dates and education opportunities. I saw the way I used to write the letter R in the corner as a reminder for the weeks my then boyfriend was working. I saw notes about plays and sporting events and parties I attended for the youth who were a major part of my ministry. As I turned the pages, I got married, moved to a new state and church, bought a house, said good-bye to my best friend, watched my husband graduate, said good-bye to family members while welcoming others to the family. So many memories in these pages.

And then I was even more torn. Now that I know what is in those pages, do I keep them? Or is this blog post enough of a memory? Or better still should I hold on to the memories in my heart that have dulled the hurts over time and brightened the good moments?

Writing this has given me the courage to say good-bye to these calendars. I am thankful for these years of ministry and all that I experienced. I am thankful for the mentors and the supportive ones who guided me. I am working on being thankful for those who challenged me and made my work harder than it needed to be. I am thankful for the children and youth who are no longer children and youth and love hearing about the amazing adults they are. I am thankful for all those who volunteered countless hours to ensure each person who came through the doors knew they were loved. I am thankful for the ways I was welcomed into homes and lives of so many faithful people. And I ask forgiveness for the mistakes I made and the hurts I caused. My prayer is that all whose names are listed in those calendars and all who ministered along side me will know God’s peace and love today.

Maundy Thursday Prayer

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Holy Week has long been one of my favorite weeks of the year. As a pastor, I loved gathering at the table with the congregation on this Holy Thursday. I was reluctant to write a prayer for today as this day will not include gathering around the communion tables at our churches. And then I realized I need this prayer because things are different. I need a reminder that Jesus will be there at all our tables dining with us no matter where we are. So wherever this Maundy Thursday finds you know that you are not alone because Jesus is with you and we are all together in spirit as we join in this sacrament at our own tables.

Loving God, Eveything feels different today. We aren’t in our churches or Fellowship Hall gathered around the communion table ready to hear the familiar words and taste the bread and drink from the cup. We miss that time to gather. We miss that sacred time to be together. We miss being called to come to your table.

And yet, maybe this unique Thursday is another opportunity to meet Jesus. We can meet him at our tables for one or two or three or twelve. We can meet him in our homes with whatever food and drinks makes up tonight’s communion.

So we ask your blessing on this food and drink that it may be for us the body and the blood of Jesus. We ask your blessing on us that we may be Jesus for each of us and for those in need.

We come to our tables asking for forgiveness for those who we have wronged. We come to our tables with hearts heavy for those we will not see tonight-send your healing to all who are ill. Send your spirit of peace for all who are weary. Send your love to all who are lonely. Come, Holy Spirit, come and be with us tonight.

In remembrance of you and your love for us, Jesus, we gather around our tables tonight praying for the time when we can gather together again. Hear our prayer, Gracious God. Hear our prayer. Amen.

Hope in Uncertain Times

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Before this Lenten Season started, I planned to write a prayer each week of Lent and then special prayers for Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday. Things in the USA are so odd that it seems wrong to write these words and pretend that we can or will celebrate as we usually do. And yet, we know that Easter will come without a full church and lilies and children searching for eggs and choirs singing their long practiced anthems and sunrise services and all the other traditions that make Easter so special. Easter will come as it came the first time…quietly and without fanfare. It is hard to prepare ourselves for that when that doesn’t sound like the Easters we have known. I am thinking of all who are currently serving churches. They are helping their congregations to do church in new ways and trying new things to meet the needs of those they serve. Keep them all in your prayers.

So where are you finding hope in these uncertain times? I’ll share with you what I am doing and also admit that it doesn’t always work. I have moments of fear and dread for those I love, for the work I love that I am doing in a new way, and for people around the world that I do not know and God has called me to love them anyway.

-Put down my phone. Shut off the tv news. The amount of information to which we have access is amazing and overwhelming. I am working on staying informed by checking the news in the morning and in the evening. I enjoy seeing what friends and family are doing on Facebook and also find it upsetting with all the news that is shared there, so sometimes I use my phone as a phone and call someone. Limit the information you view in a way that works for you.

-Spread Hope and Joy. I love getting mail, so I decided last week to start sending mail more regularly. Each day I am writing a card/note and sending it to someone. This daily ritual is bringing me hope and joy as I think of this special someone while writing to them. My hope is that receiving actual mail will bring joy to the receivers as well.

-Keep on Living. My husband said this to me last night when I was having a difficult moment. Then we spent the next half hour deciding where to hang some paintings and pictures in our home. We have lived here since Thanksgiving and have not hung anything on the walls yet. Doing something normal like this eased the worry and helped me to keep on living. (Also, please note we talked about where to hang things and nothing has yet been hung up, so this is not a call for perfection!).

Whatever you are doing in this time, it is enough. Be kind to yourself and each other.

Loving God, We are living in strange and frightening times. We know we are not the first people to live in times like these. Calm our fears. Send us your peace. Inspire us to do good however that is possible. Nothing seems normal, God, and we need you to assure us that you are here and we are loved. Hear us when we call out to you. Amen.

Maybe this will be hanging on the wall by the time you read this post!

A November Ritual

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Each year on November 14, I light a candle on a piece of dessert. It isn’t my birthday, and yet I blow out the candle. I do this for my best friend. November 14 is her birthday and for the last seven years she has not been alive to celebrate her birthday. So, I celebrate it for her. I make or prepare a dessert. I light a candle. I remember her and give thanks for our friendship. Then, I blow out the candle and enjoy that dessert. I tell stories about her to anyone who will listen. I laugh and cry. I miss her and wish she was here to enjoy her birthday dessert with me.

I share this with you because this yearly ritual is healing and helpful for me as I continue to grieve my friend. I encourage you to remember those you love who have died and find meaningful rituals to help you mark important days. If you have a special way you remember a loved one, I’d love to hear about it.

Loving God, When our hearts are breaking and we miss our loved ones, you are here. When another special day comes and our loved one isn’t here to celebrate, you are here. Be with us as we remember and give thanks. Be with us as we cry and ask why? However we honor those we love, be present with us, Gracious God. Amen.

This year’s birthday dessert.

Celebrate with Me!

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Today I am celebrating 15 years of ordained ministry.

On this day 15 years ago, I was surrounded by family and friends and colleagues in ministry in one of the churches that raised me. After years of hard work, education, and training, we gathered together to worship and give thanks to God for my call to ministry. While I planned the service (including music and Scripture I love), the service was a time of worship with a focus on God.

In the fifteen years since that day, I have served three churches in three different states and now am serving as a hospice chaplain. I have led confirmation retreats, stayed up too late during youth lock-ins, laughed with children, preached countless sermons, served communion while reminding each person present that each one is welcome at the table and a beloved child of God, taught many Sunday School and youth group lessons, listened to so many stories and kept confidences, been invited into people’s homes where I was treated like family, and also participated in more than a few meetings. How do you sum up 15 years? I have been privileged to watch children grow into youth and now into adults. I have cried with you when loved ones have died. I have baptized children and youth and officiated wedding and funerals. I have been inspired by the faith I have witnessed in people of faith of all ages.

And despite that long list, so many things and events went unmentioned. I could talk for hours about mission trips or games of sardines or most memorable memorial services. Instead, I will thank you for whatever part you have played in this journey I have been on for these past fifteen years. Thank you!

God, I am grateful for my call to ordained ministry. It has been a challenge and a joy to serve so many different people over these past fifteen years. Thank you for the strength to continue on and to follow where you lead. Thank you for the surprises that meet me each day. Continue to be with those you love who have been part of my journey. With gratitude for all that has happened that has made me who I am today, I look forward to the next fifteen years knowing you, Gracious God, will be sustaining and equipping me. Amen.

A Sermon On Luke 13: 10-17

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Sermon for August 25, 2019

Luke 13: 10-17

Who are we in this story? Who are you in this story?Cast of characters-

  • Jesus
  • Woman who is healed
  • Person in the religious establishment of the day
  • Person in the crowd following Jesus

Most adults will not pick to describe themselves as Jesus in a story as that might be assuming I’m thinking too highly of myself. Now, kids and youth will be glad to play the part of Jesus in a story. They know that Jesus gets the fun lines and gets to do the cool actions. If you are Jesus in this story, you get to speak the words of healing and lay your hands on the woman as a sign of blessing and healing. Pretty cool, huh? And later in our story you as Jesus are going to answer the religious leader and tell that person they are wrong and here’s what they should be doing. All in all not a bad part to play in today’s story.

Who doesn’t want to be the woman who is healed? You have been ailing for 18 years unable to stand up straight. By now you have adjusted to this. You don’t ask to be healed because you probably just try to blend in with the crowd so no one teases you. Jesus sees you. That is one of my favorite things about Jesus-he sees people. He sees this woman who most people probably ignored both because she was a woman and because she was a person with a physical disability. So you are simply going about your day and you are seen. With some simple words and a touch of his hands, Jesus heals you. You stand up for the first time in years and begin praising God. Although you don’t appear anymore in today’s story, your life is forever changed because Jesus saw you.

Person in the religious establishment of the day. It is easy to see this person as the bad guy of the story. You are described as being indignant. And you share what you know to be true that anyone can be healed any other day of the week except the Sabbath because we cannot work on the Sabbath. You are a faithful person who lives by the Torah. You have studied and worked hard to live in the correct way. And then Jesus answers you in a way you wouldn’t expect and tells you that you are wrong. And you feel shame or humiliation at being corrected.

A person in the crowd following Jesus. Your only line is that you are “rejoicing at all the wonderful things that Jesus was doing”. A pretty good part in our story. You are following Jesus and cheering him on.

So who are you in this story? Who do you identify with?

Probably not Jesus as most of us want to be like him and yet don’t feel like we can say we identify as him.

Maybe you can identify with the woman who needs to be healed. Most of us would love to be healed from something. Maybe a relationship that has left you feeling broken. Maybe your life isn’t what you hoped it would be. Maybe you are grieving the death of someone and that emptiness inside you is too much. Maybe you are angry at things beyond your control and you can’t let go of your anger. Maybe your body is no longer allowing you do things you used to enjoy. If we think about it for a bit, everyone would like healing. Everyone would like to have their need acknowledged and their brokenness restored. And my hope is that if we are healed, we will react as the woman did in our story. She praised God. She knew that God is the only one who can heal our wounded souls and so she offered up her praise.

Who doesn’t want to identify as part of the crowd following Jesus? What a gift it would be to follow Jesus learning from him, watching him heal, hearing him teach and preach, and seeing him see people and things that the rest of us overlook.  

You might have noticed that I skipped over the third person in the story-the synagogue leader. I prefer to say person in the religious establishment of the day. If we call this person, the synagogue leader it is easier to think that we have a little less in common. We could easily call this person pastor, church council president, Sunday School teacher, youth minister, choir member, person who sits in the third pew at church every Sunday. That’s right. This person is us. Please notice that I said us. This person is me and you. I am a rule follower. I love rules. I love knowing what I am expected to do so I can do it. I pride myself on doing what I am supposed to do when it is expected to be done. And I am very hard on myself when I cannot meet those expectations.

And maybe that is why I love the church. We are a place and a people full of rules. Some of them are written down in our constitutions and bylaws and covenants. These are the ways we govern ourselves and what makes everything work in our church. Many of our rules are unwritten and just the way we do things. Let me tell you about one of those unwritten rules in a church where I served as their youth minister. The youth loved to play sardines. Do you know this game? First of all, shut off all the lights in the church and then one person hides. Everyone else is seeking that hidden person and when you find the hidden person, you hide with that person. So as more and more people are crowded into one space, you are like sardines in a can. The game ends when only one person is still seeking. So I sent the youth off to play and then was walking through the darkened church to ensure everyone was okay and having fun. I went into the sanctuary and was quickly told by one of the youth-we aren’t allowed in the sanctuary for playing games it is only for worship time. This was an unwritten rule of the church that was so established that no one even thought to tell me until that moment as everyone just knew it. Every church has unwritten rules like this.  

Don’t worry fellow rule followers. Jesus isn’t instructing us to throw out all the rules. Jesus is encouraging us to think about the rules that govern our lives. A day of Sabbath makes good sense as our bodies need rest and time to worship and renew. And we are called to love each other. Would Jesus have been loving this woman as he loves himself if he had not healed her? Jesus could have asked her to come back tomorrow when it isn’t the Sabbath and then I will heal you. He didn’t. He reacted out of love.

How might we act out of love when we are living out our faith?

Jesus gives us several ideas of how to do this in today’s Scripture.

1-See each other. Look at the people you know and those you don’t yet know when you meet them this week. I recommend starting slowly as this can be overwhelming. Start by doing something you wouldn’t normally do. For example, ask your cashier at the grocery store how her day is and maintain eye contact as she answers. This shows that you are seeing her and care about her answer. Notice the people who are easy to overlook as you go about your busy life.

2-Observe the Spirit of the law. I’m using Spirit here with a big/capital S. Look and listen for how the Spirit is encouraging you to live as a person of faith. God has given each of us gifts and we are expected to utilize them. And sometimes God encourages us to use our gifts on Sunday because it will make life better for someone else. How can you use the gifts God has given you to lighten the load of someone else? How might you accept a gift someone else is trying to share with you? How is the Spirit pushing you to live with mercy, kindness, and love?

3-Consider how we can best be the church. Where might the Spirit be calling us to change the way we have always done something because it will make it easier for someone else to fully participate in the life of faith? Where might the Spirit be breathing new life into a ministry or idea and helping it flourish and blossom if only someone or many someones step up to help? And is the Spirit telling us that we need to thank everyone who supported a ministry and end it because it is no longer meeting the needs of this congregation?

This Scripture calls us to consider our actions and our inactions from a variety of perspectives. From the establishment, where life is good and we are familiar with how things should work. What do we need to change to make things more accessible for all of God’s children? From the crowds following Jesus and soaking up his witness-soon they will be called to go out into the world and proclaim the good news. How do we take what we hear and experience in worship on Sunday mornings and live it out the rest of the week? From Jesus who kept his eyes open to see the people in need and the problems in society that needed to be called out. May we be so compassionate and brave. And from the perspective of the woman who was healed who was called a daughter of Abraham and seen as a beloved child of God for the first time in too many years. May we see ourselves and each person we meet as a beloved child of the Living God.

One theologian (Karoline Lewis) shared that she imagined this woman praising God with the first eight verses of Psalm 103. I will end with those words and the prayer that we may feel so amazed by the wonders of our God that we too are called to praise God using these words.

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
   and all that is within me,
   bless his holy name. 
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
   and do not forget all his benefits— 
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
   who heals all your diseases, 
4 who redeems your life from the Pit,
   who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 
5 who satisfies you with good as long as you live
   so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 
6 The Lord works vindication
   and justice for all who are oppressed. 
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
   his acts to the people of Israel. 
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,
   slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 

Sermon preached on August 25, 2019 at Immanuel UCC in Cambridge, Maryland.

10 Lessons Learned from Vacation

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Recently, I spent a week with my family. It was a week away from work and my normal routine. It was a week of laughter, fun, good food, and memories made. Here are 10 lessons I hope to remember as I am back at work and into my routine again.

1-Celebrate each other!
2-Be yourself! Let your personality shine!
3-Look for beauty wherever you are.
4-Spending time with your family is time well spent!
5-Sit down and eat together. It doesn’t matter where you are eating or what you are eating. Take the time to sit down, give thanks, eat, and be together.
6-Try something new. And, it is okay to throw things (sometimes).
7-Be creative. We were created to use our gifts and talents, so use them and have fun doing it.
8-Be proud of who you are!
9-Siblings know you and love you.
10-Take time to rest!

Early Morning Memories

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If you know me in real life, you know I am not a morning person. I can get up early in the morning, however, I prefer to wait until the sun is up before I get up. This morning I was up before the sun as was my hard working husband. We leave for a much needed vacation soon, and have a long to do list that must be accomplished before we leave. So in order to check things off that list, we got up before dawn.

One important task for me was to ensure that my Woodstock Windchimes from my best friend were carefully moved before work on the deck began. I don’t know how long ago she gave these to me. I do know that they have hung outside my each place I have lived and called home. When I hear them, I think of her and I smile.

So taking them down is one way I say good-bye to a home. We have purchased a new home where new memories will be made. Our move is just across town to a beautiful new place that will be a lovely home for myself, my husband, and my wonderful mother-in-law. We have much to celebrate as we prepare to create new memories, and we all will be bringing with us (too much stuff and) many memories. This morning as I packed my wind chimes I gave thanks for the people who have walked this journey with me as well as the people who will join me on the next chapter of my journey.

Creator God, You made us in your image and you gave us the ability to be in relationship and to remember. Thank you for those amazing gifts. In changing times, you are our constant companion. In challenging situations, you seek to steady us. Thank you, God, for memories and for the time to make new ones. Thank you for this day, and thank you for the gift of life. Amen.

A Day of Rest Prayer

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Life has been very busy lately. I haven’t taken the time to write on this blog. My to do list keeps getting longer and longer. Major changes are happening in my life (good ones which will be the focus of other writings). So with all this to do, guess what I did on Saturday? I went to the beach with a friend. We sat together with our toes in the sand. We talked, and we sat in silence and watched the waves and all the people.

Some might say this was a wasted day. Sure, I did not cross one thing off my to do list, and yet I do not consider it a waste at all. If God took a day off to rest, then we should too. (Genesis 2:1-3). I came back from my day of rest renewed. I heard music that made me smile and saw dolphins swimming in the ocean. I sat in wonder amazed at creation and God’s love for all of us.

Life is busy and we all need time to rest. So find your time. Mark it on your calendar if needed. And rest in a way and a place that is meaningful to you.

God of All Creation, You created this amazing world and all who live in it, and then you rested. Why do we think that we are more important than you? Why do we think there is no time for rest? As those created in your image, remind us to rest. Remind us to find those things or places or people that bring us calm and joy and to seek them out regularly. Open our eyes to all that may renew our spirits whether it be prayer and quiet time, a walk in nature, loud music to sing along with in the car, a good meal with friends, a good book, or anything meaningful to bring rest. With you as our example, Loving God, we will strive to find more regular times for rest. Amen.

My niece in 2017. We were preparing to get off our cruise ship, and she jumped on the chair and closed her eyes. She said-I just need to relax one more time before we leave the boat.

Tidying Up (Again)

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Earlier this week, my husband suggested we watch Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix. Halfway through the first episode, he paused the show and said, “Are you ready?” My bewildered look was enough to let him know I was unsure for what I was supposed to be ready. He said, “We start with the clothes.” Looking at the clock and seeing it was 8:45pm on a work night, I wondered from where this burst of energy and excitement came. So, together we decided to modify the plan and begin some of the clothes that night as sleep is important. Now, after two nights of tidying all of the downstairs clothes have been sorted (we find ourselves in a complicated season of life with clothing upstairs and downstairs). Seven bags of clothing and shoes are ready to move on to new homes.

My long time readers may remember that this isn’t my first time time tidying. I reviewed the book and tidied up back in 2015. Keeping up with tidying is challenging. When I do this process (whether it is exactly as suggested or with my own variations), it is freeing. I smile when I see a piece of clothing that has been a part of important celebrations like the dress I wore to a wedding or the shirt I wore to my Grandma’s birthday party. And just because something played an important role in my life does not mean it still sparks joy, so I smile, remember, and thank the item for its time with me.

So despite all that must be done in the day, we are taking the time to take evaluate what we have and what we need. It is challenging and it is exciting too. If you are feeling overwhelmed with all the stuff living in your home, you might try this book or show and spend some time tidying up!

Gracious God, Why do we hold on to stuff we don’t need? Why do we let our stuff control us? Free us, Holy One, from the power our stuff has over us. Help us to surround ourselves with what sparks joy and to let the rest go. Amen.