Holidays

All Saints’ Sunday-Special Edition for when you are remembering a loved one who has died this year.

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I have long loved the celebration of the saints in our churches. It is a Sunday when we remember that we are not the first and we will not be the last in this lineage of believers. This year I am wondering how to celebrate and honor this day when one of the saints who joined the church triumphant this year was my mother. All of the rituals I have done in the past years do not feel like enough to remember the one who carried me inside her for nine months and then carried me in her arms and held me in her heart from before my first breath until her last breath. How do I honor her memory on this day? As I reflected on this question, I was reminded that each of the saints I have honored over the years was someone’s beloved family member or friend or neighbor or parent or grandparent or sibling. The beauty of this day is we take time to remember and give thanks for lives lived as God’s beloved children. My mother would not want a big fanfare today (nor any day as fanfares were not her thing). So today, I will do as I do each time this holy day comes, I will light candles and remember those I love who are no longer here on earth. I will remember and give thanks.

Here is the prayer I will use as I name them today. Holy One, you know us by name and you call us your children. Today on this All Saints’ Day we remember and give thanks for __________ (name them by name and light a candle for your loved ones). We miss them. And they live on in us. We remember the lessons they taught us. We give thanks for hugs and meals shared. We know their love for you which we heard in their words and saw in their actions. We can see them cheering us on when we succeed and crying with us when the way is hard. We know they are with you. We know that for each of them pain and sorrow have ceased and they are at peace. Gracious God, be with us in whatever emotions this day brings. Today, we give thanks and we remember all of the saints who from their labors rest. As the saints lived in faith, we too will continue to follow you, Good Shepherd. Lead on. Amen.

My sister, my mother, and I on January 31, 2021.

A Prayer for Fall

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As we are midway through the month of October, it is the season of Fall in the Northern Hemisphere. Some days here it feels more like summer and other days those fall temperatures make me realize the cooler months are here. However you enjoy celebrating or observing this time of year, I hope you find meaning in this prayer for fall.

God of All Seasons, It is Fall. We see more pumpkins on porches and pumpkin flavored items are available everywhere. The temperatures may be changing as may our clothing choices. We may be gathering around fire pits with friends. Or, we may not have even had time to notice the change in season.

God of All Creation, help us to gain inspiration from nature this fall. Like the trees, help us to let go of that which is no longer life giving or helping us to grow. Like the grass, remind us it is okay to rest and renew for a season before coming back alive and well next year. Like the migrating birds, send us on journeys to familiar places where we can be safe until it is time to return home. Like the animals preparing for hibernation, give us good food to nourish us and some extra rest in the coming days. Like the squirrels scurrying around to collect nuts, may we gather only what we need so our needs are met and there is enough for others.

As we watch the leaves fall and feel the temperatures cool, let this be a time of possibility for what this season can be if we trust in you, Holy One. Amen.

Mother’s Day Without My Mom

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While 2020 was a hard year for so many reasons, it was also a year filled with time spent with my Mom. I saw her for her grandson’s birthday in January. In February, we flew to Florida to celebrate my Aunt and Uncle’s anniversary. COVID slowed down our time together until June when my family came to spend a week here at my house. Sadly while here, we learned that Mom’s cancer had returned. In July, my husband and I drove through the night to be with Mom when she decided to spend some time in the hospital…that stay went into August as I wouldn’t leave until Mom was back on her feet after daily treatments for an infection. I didn’t see her in September as things were going okay. Then in October we learned that her body could no longer handle the treatments. Despite COVID restrictions, the kind staff at the hospital let my Dad, sister, and I all be present with my Mom when we told her this news. She cried because her daughters were crying. And then she spent the rest of her days doing what she loved…spending time with her family. In November, my husband and I spent a week with Mom who was feeling good because she was done with treatment. We made her favorite foods, talked, played cards, and sorted through her book collection. In December, we wore matching pajamas on Christmas and made good memories. 2020 was a year spent with family despite the pandemic.

I had planned to go back in February to spend more quality time with Mom. As January was nearing its end, my sister called to update me on Mom’s decline. My husband and I got there as fast as we could for Mom’s last days. On February 2, 2021, my Mom died.

Today is a day to celebrate mothers. I support celebrating mothers. I wish I could celebrate with mine in person. I cannot. Instead I am spending this weekend remembering her and celebrating who she was/is to me. I am giving thanks for her life. Also, I am crying and laughing and missing her.

Mom and I in Florida in February 2020.

Recently I was introduced to the song Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran. This beautiful song about grief has been one of my companions this weekend. I love the way the song ends.

“Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person I have become
Spread your wings and I know
That when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You’re home”

I am finding comfort in these words because while I would have loved twenty more years with my Mom I am thankful for the 43 years I knew her. I am thankful she knew me through my childhood, my awkward teenage years when I told her she was the meanest mother in the world (she loved to remind me of this story), college and seminary, my first call to a church and ordination, my wedding, countless moves, job changes, and all of the good and bad times in my life. She was cheering me on and wanting the best for me every day. While I am thankful that she is free from pain and with God, my sadness and grief are too big for me to join in with a hallelujah because her death means my Mom isn’t here for me to talk with today. I am thankful that God’s love for me is big enough that I can express all that I am feeling and know that God loves me still.

I am sharing my story in the hopes that it helps someone else out there who needed to read this story of love and grief today. Embrace whatever you are feeling on this day and know that God loves you.

Mom and I at Camp Albemarle for the church retreat in May 2011.

Remembering…

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On this day 9 years ago, I said goodbye to my best friend. I mark this day each year by sharing her stories, being extra kind to others, and enjoying some fun food/beverages. This year will be no different.

Here are some important things to remember about grief.

-There is no timeline on grief. It is not weird or strange that nine years later I still observe this day. It is also not weird or strange if you do not remember the date of a loved one’s death. It is not weird or strange if you find yourself somewhere in between!

-There are many different ways to grieve. You can pick the ways you remember your loved ones who have died. I recommend not judging how others grieve, and not letting comments from others upset the way you are grieving.

-Grieving is hard work. Be kind to yourself on the hard grief days. Be aware of how you are feeling and the things/words that bring your emotions closer to the surface.

In memory of my buddy, Kristi, raise a glass of your favorite beverage and toast those you love near and far and drink in their honor and memory.

Dressed up and celebrating!

Taking Down the Christmas Tree

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In preparation for taking down the Christmas tree, I sat quietly near it the other night. I shut off all the other lights in the room. I had the whole room to myself. It was peaceful. The light of the tree was brighter than I expected it to be.

I sat and thought about the Christmas season that had just ended as well as other Christmases. The many trees that have lit homes where I have lived and homes that have welcomed me like family. I thought about trees bursting with ornaments and trees we hoped would make it to Christmas. I reflected on the beauty a Christmas tree shares.

When the tree is put away, it looks so empty for a few days and then we return to “normal life”. Knowing that no matter how hard I try this will happen again this year, I wanted to sit with wonder by the tree one last time.

God of Wonders, Increase our sense of wonder that we may be awed by you and your creation. So often we think of wonders as big things. Remind us to be amazed by the little, everyday things in our lives like a Christmas tree in a silent room. Open us today to the wonders around us calling our names. And help us to keep the spirit of Christmas in our hearts when the tree is gone. Amen.