Author: SusannahDB

Changes!

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Well, this day has finally arrived. Today is my last day at Coastal Hospice. After 8 years of visiting people in their homes to support them at the end of life, this is the end of my time doing this work. As for what comes next, stay tuned for more updates on that. Today is a day to celebrate and give thanks for my time at hospice.

I have loved meeting people and hearing their stories. My heart has ached when I entered the same home again for another family member nearing death, and yet that was also the beauty of doing this work for so long. If a second family member needed our services, families knew they would get the support they needed for this hard time.

So many people think hospice is all tears and sadness. I worked hard to help people understand that we are here to help with meaning making, to celebrate the joys-I cannot even add up how many birthdays I helped celebrate, and to make this part of the journey a little easier. I baptized someone in a swimming pool. I officiated a wedding in a living room. I served communion and brought ashes to homes for Ash Wednesday. I sang Christmas carols in July. I watched birds eating from feeders and sat outside sweating with people who loved the outdoors.

I love hospice because we treat the patient as a whole person recognizing they have physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. We work together as a team to meet those needs and to equip and support the families who are dealing with changing roles and often anticipatory grief.

A picture of me on my first day!

It has been a joy to do this work. I have laughed and cried and offered hugs and prayed and learned so many fun facts and met so many interesting people. Saying goodbye is so hard. I have had the privilege of working along side so many amazing and dedicated people who feel called to this work. Together we have done it well. I will miss you and this good, hard work!

Missing Loved Ones at the Holidays

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The Holiday Season is hard. We are faced with so many expectations of what we should do. Pressure comes from all directions about how to have the perfect celebration. Add in grief and things get so much more challenging.

Sadly, this is my third Christmas without my Mom. I am writing this curled up under a blanket made of her shirts, drinking a cup of hot chocolate, and eating a peanut butter blossom cookie.

Our memories of loved ones come back to us in so many ways this time of year. I remember a loved one when I add an ornament to the tree that used to hang on their tree. I keep my grandparents’ Christmas tree that sheds more needles than a real tree because my grandfather’s handwriting is there telling me how to assemble it. And I think of my Mom when I bake peanut blossom cookies.

You see this is my Mom’s recipe. It is called Peanut Blossom Cookies. And it comes with the side note that the peanut butter is optional because Mom hates peanut butter cookies. This is such a perfect memory of my Mom. She was a picky eater. She would change recipes by leaving out what she didn’t like. For example, her version of apple salad or only turkey breast at Thanksgiving are famous and true stories in our family. And I would happily leave out the peanut butter to share a cookie with her. Since I cannot, I will stay under this blanket a little longer and give thanks for my Mom and all my loved ones who I miss especially this time of year.

Loving and Faithful God, At this beautiful and holy time of year, we are filled with a range of emotions. We joyfully prepare to welcome baby Jesus and our hearts ache as we miss people we love. We remember how it has been on Christmases past and know that we cannot recreate those memories. Send the Prince of Peace among us to provide the peace we need today. Send the Holy Spirit to be our comforter and companion. And bless all of us who are missing someone special this Christmas. Amen.

Time with the Tree-A Slowing Down Prayer

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Just what you need another reminder to slow down in the busy, busy, busy month of December. I hope you can see this prayer not as a reminder and instead an invitation. An opportunity to pause and breathe. Time to be aware of what is around you. A moment to just be in this time that has become so focused on doing.

Let’s begin by finding a comfortable spot near the Christmas tree. I recommend a blanket and a cup of tea to complete the scene.

And now take a few minutes to soak in the beauty of the Christmas tree. Notice the lights that brighten up the space and the tree. What ornament catches your attention? Focus on that ornament and the memories attached to it. And when you are ready, join me in prayer.

God of All Creation, For the beauty of this season, we thank you. When the grass is brown and the leaves litter the ground, you invite us to bring a symbol of life and light into our homes as a reminder that new life is coming. May the light shining from our Christmas trees inspire us this season to be lights for others and to slow down and pay attention to each other. Slow us down, Holy One, in this time of hurrying so that we may notice you and notice each other. Breathe into us the breath of new life reminding us why we celebrate each December. By the light of this tree, we pause and give thanks. Amen.

A Silent Retreat

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Have you ever attended a silent retreat? I would highly recommend it, and I also think that they might not be a fit for everyone.

A dear friend invited me to join a silent retreat she was leading at her church. It was held on a Saturday from 10am to 4pm. And I loved it.

We gathered together to talk about the plan for the retreat. She gave us time to center ourselves and then one last chance to speak…and then the quiet began.

I had packed a bag with letter writing supplies, a spiritual book, a journal, and coloring book/colored pencils. My goal was not to feel like I had a to do list which is so hard for me because I love a good list.

I started reading some of my favorite Scripture verses Lamentations 3:21-26. I read these verses slowly and from different translations. Then I wrote them down noticing the words that were similar and different. I was wondering how long it had been since I read the book of Lamentations, so I read it too!

I went for a walk outside slowing my pace and noticing the sounds and sights around me. All of the sudden I thought of how my sister and I used to walk on parking lot lines and painted curbs like they were balance beams. And so, I did this. I giggled out loud (whoops, sorry silent retreat). I slowly walked all around the church property feeling young. And then the bells started playing hymns. They were announcing it was noon and time for lunch. I sang along in my head to words inscribed on my heart from my childhood.

Lunch felt awkward. To sit around tables with people and not talk was hard. Do I make eye contact? Do I look away? What should I do? Maybe read the ingredient list on my food to pass the time.

After lunch, time for coloring and prayer and writing letters and reading and sitting and walking. The time passed so much more quickly than I imagined. It felt like a gift to spend this much time in silence with God.

I encourage you to try something new to you to stretch your spiritual muscles.

Renewing God, we pray that you renew us as we try something new. Give us courage and patience as we stretch our spiritual muscles. Remind us that you will be with us as we embark on things previously undone. In silence and peace, we come before you. Amen.

Remembering the saints in prayer

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I have always loved the celebration of All Saints Day in the church. In churches I have served, we would give thanks for those who had died from the congregation in the past year. As I was thinking about this holy day, I am thinking of the people I love who have died this year and in years past. For me, this day is a reminder that we are here today because of the people who paved the way for us. I know that I am person of faith because I saw faith lived out in so many wonderfully ordinary people from my first memories until now.

God of All Ages and Times, Your story is told and lived out by your people and today we give thanks for each of them. From the saints who lived centuries before to the saints who recently died, we are thankful for each one of them and how their lives reflected your love. Sometimes it is easy to overlook the regular people who sang the songs and told the stories, and yet they are saints just as much as the people whose names are famous. Today, we remember and give thanks for the cloud of witnesses who faithfully passed down the old, old story to us. Give us the strength, wisdom, and courage to share the story with the next generations. And as we do remind us that this did not begin and will not end with us. We are connected to all who came before and all who will follow. One day each of us will be remembered in prayer by the ones we are teaching today. For these connections, we give thanks to you, God of our Ancestors and God of Today and Tomorrow. Amen.

An Early Morning Prayer

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If you know me, you know I am not someone who wakes up early for fun. I can wake up early. I choose to sleep because sleep is a lovely gift. I am not sure what is happening lately because I have been waking up an hour before my alarm and enjoying the extra time. Yesterday, I wrote a funeral service before my alarm sounded. Today, I am writing my second blog post long before my alarm goes off or the sun decides to show itself. While I don’t know how long my new found morning productivity will last, I am going to embrace it (not sure I have much choice). So, if you find yourself up before the sun, here is a prayer for you!

God, Morning has not even broken yet, and I am awake. I know you are awake as well. Thank you for another day of life. Thank you for walking beside me whatever this day may hold. As I pray, I open my eyes and see that light is beginning to illuminate life outside my window. Thank you for the morning. For all awake already, give them your peace as they go through the day. For those still sleeping, give them peace and good rest. As morning begins to break, give me what I need for today. Amen and Amen.

Book Review: The In-Between by Hadley Vlahos

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You might think I would not want to read about hospice when I am not working. Why would I want to spend my free time reading about what I spend so much of my life doing? Except, I find it fascinating to see how others describe this work.

In The In-Between, we meet a nurse beginning her hospice career and experience with her the joy and challenges of hospice. For those less familiar with hospice, this is a lovely introduction to the beautiful work of hospice and a reminder to us seasoned people of why we do what we do.

I recommend this book to you if hospice scares you or if you would like to learn more about hospice. I recommend this book to you if you like stories about the variety of people who come into our lives and how we learn from these encounters.

Do What Fills You Up

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I have learned that I need to spend time outside as it calms and grounds me. With the hot temperatures and our deck being under construction, I have not been able to be outside as much as I would like recently! Good news! The temperature has gone down below sweat as soon as you step outside and enough of the deck is finished for me to sit in my comfy chair outside.

I wonder what fills you up when you need a fill up? I wonder what brings you a sense of peace? And how can you find time to spend in that place or activity to renew your soul soon?

God of All Creation, It is good to be outside marveling at a portion of your creation. Help us all to identify and then do that which brings us joy, that which fills our soul, that which inspires peace in ourselves and in your world. For as we renew ourselves, we are better able to serve you and love your creation. Amen.

Milli and I enjoying the finished portion of the deck.

God on a Harley by Joan Brady

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People recommend books to me all the time. I write down the titles in a list on my phone, and sometimes I get them read. Well, this is one I read and have been thinking of since I finished it.

Written in 1995, this book is not new. It reads a little like a romance novel, a little like a self-help book, and a little like a devotional. While I don’t know that I can agree with all of its theological thoughts, I do find myself pondering this book even after I completed it.

This is the story of Christine. She is a nurse who has been unlucky in love. She feels burnt out by her work and unhappy with her life. Into her life comes God on a Harley.

Christine is taught some of the ways that humans have gotten religion wrong. Now, God has decided to offer individual commandments recognizing that the 10 commandments may not have been the best rules by which to live. God is coming to each human individually to help make sense of life.

This short book-only 147 pages-would make an excellent book group conversation starter for the right group. Some questions I would enjoy discussing with others…how do you react to the idea that God is changing and learning just like humanity? If God made individual commandments for you, what might they be? Do any of the commandments given to Christine make sense for your life? How would God appear to you today to catch your attention?

If you give this book a read, let me know. I would be glad to discuss it with you!

A Good Reminder for Hospice Staff

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While sitting poolside enjoying the shade and summer temperatures, I was observing the kindness of vacationers. People of varying ages were talking kindly with each other. A nice person held a door for a couple using rolling walkers. A man engaged in conversation with a child getting up the courage to jump in the deep end. Smiles were all around.

I called my friend to say that observing these interactions had renewed my faith in humanity. And she said maybe I need to run away to the pool more often as a reminder that not everyone is dying.

It was eye opening to hear my own words come from a dear friend. Each month at our hospice orientation, I encourage new employees to do what brings them joy to fill their spirits because after a hard week at hospice we all need a reminder that not everyone is dying. Sometime I get a little pushback from this statement saying that we are all dying at some point. True! We will all die at some point. For many, I would even say most of us, it probably won’t be soon. I use this statement in orientation as a reminder to look at the life all around us. A reminder to find goodness in others and within ourselves. A reminder to laugh and enjoy this amazing gift of life.

The truth was that I think I needed that reminder more than I realized. So, maybe I need to head to the pool more often to sit in the shade with a good book and enjoy how kind we can be to each other. And if I needed this reminder, I am guessing some of you did too!

Giver of Life and Conquerer of Death! We thank you for today. For an opportunity to see the beauty of creation, we are grateful. Open us up to realize what you are telling us today and may we receive the message you have for us. Send people into our lives to help us when we are in need and don’t even know it. Remind us of the seasons of life and help us to acknowledge your continuing presence with us through the good and hard and everything in between! Amen and Amen!

My view!