Author: SusannahDB

I Will Remember

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Today is a sad day as I remember that day seven years ago when I said good-bye to my best friend. As I was cleaning last weekend, I found something I had written years ago for her. I don’t remember writing it or even when it was written and yet I feel that it should be shared for any of you missing a loved one today.

When you are living life, you live it. You don’t remember every detail. Things blend together as one days moves on to the next. Only when it is too late do you try to remember everything. What was her favorite color, song, tv show, shampoo, food? When did we take that trip or take that class or play that prank? While I’m grateful for all the time we spent together, I’m sorry, so sorry for all the memories we made that I no longer remember. I know holding onto the memories will not bring you back! I just want to remember, to recall the laughter, heartbreaks, tears, fun, and everything we did together during the 12 years we knew each other. I’m hoping by trying to remember-I will not forget any more of our stories and she will live on not just in my heart but also in my head-even when I’m old!

Two friends at a pub in Scotland in October 2005.

Now that more time has passed I don’t regret not remembering everything that happened. She was the one who remembered the details. Recently someone asked me if I knew someone and I replied, “Oh, Kristi would know. She is the one of us who remembers people and important things.” I know now that even though I don’t remember how many Thursday nights we watched Friends and ate pizza or why we took that road trip through Kentucky where she sang Sweet Child of Mine. What I do know and will never forget is that you always answered the phone when I called, you always stood beside me, and you always were my friend. I am grateful for all the time we spent together.

God, Thank you for the people you put in our lives right when we need them. Thank you for friends who push us to be our best selves. Thank you for laughter and friends to wipe away the tears. Loving God, when the ones we love are no longer here because they are with you, remind us of the good times. Send us your Spirit of Peace for comfort on the hard days. Mend our broken hearts. Amen.

Kristi’s Wedding Day June 2011.
Whenever we’d see this picture of us taken the day before my wedding, we would ask each other who picked out our sunglasses? April 2007.

Forgive Yourself

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Recently, I said something ridiculous. Not ridiculous funny. I mean why in the world did that come out of my mouth?! Sharing the details would not make it any better, so just picture that thing you would never say out loud. I said it. And I felt terrible. I worried. I was mad at myself. I didn’t know how to fix it. After much worry, anger, and frustration, I realized what was missing from all my thoughts. I had not forgiven myself! I was beating myself up over and over and reliving the moments. The only way to move on was to forgive myself. Today, I encourage you to forgive yourself for something you have done or forgotten to do. I encourage you to be kind to yourself as you are being kind to others. Let yourself know that tomorrow you will get another opportunity to be kind, so why not start by being kind to yourself?

Forgiving One, We ask for forgiveness when we harm each other and when we hurt you. Why are we so slow to forgive ourselves? As you forgive us, Merciful God, for the wrongs that we have done to you and to each other, remind us to forgive ourselves. Teach us your way of compassion and kindness to each other and to ourselves. Help us to love ourselves and our neighbors. Remind us that each one of us is created in your image and is beloved. Amen. 

Photo by Felix Koutchinski on Unsplash

Chai Tea Latte Frappe

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Chai Tea Latte Frappe
With black tea, ginger, spices, and honey

This is my first ever Frappe because they always have coffee in them. When I saw this on the menu, I had to try it. No coffee only tea and other goodness. I would describe it as a tea milkshake. It is not something I would want to drink daily. It is a fun treat perfect for those times you find yourself in Aruba on vacation. The spices and tea flavor shined through and the honey sweetened it the perfect amount. A fun drink for the tea lover.

An Ash Wednesday Prayer

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The season of Lent began this week with the observation of Ash Wednesday. I love the practice of having ashes placed on my forehead and consider it a privilege to place ashes on someone else. Seeing so many people with ashes on themselves gives me pause each year.

“What are human beings that you are mindful of them? Mortals that you care for them?” (Psalm 8:4).

So this Ash Wednesday, I am hoping to spend some time in silence giving thanks for a Creator that loves me despite my shortcomings and flaws. My prayer will be that I can be more kind to those I meet remembering that although their flaws are more obvious to me that only means that my flaws are very obvious to them. I am hoping to carry this prayer through the season of Lent.

Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer, Today we wonder along with the psalmist- “what are humans beings that you are mindful of them?” How is it that you keep loving us even when we fail to love ourselves and each other? What is going to change our attitudes towards ourselves and each other? What is going to remind us that we are beautiful in your sight and created in your image? Slow us down today, Loving God, and remind us how big your love is for all that you have created. Open our eyes to see your creation. Open our minds to see the good in the people you place in our lives. Open our hearts to see ourselves as your beloved. God, there is so much brokenness in this world. Help us to be the ones who mend it with your help. Give us courage, hope, and strength for there is much work to do as we embark on our Lenten journey. Amen.

Photo by Ahna Ziegler on Unsplash

Read My Lips by DAVIDsTEA

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This tea was a gift from my husband when he returned to the land of Wisconsin where we used to live. This is my first experience with DAVIDsTEA, and I enjoyed this cup of tea.

I will admit that the description on the bag “This sweet black tea with vanilla, peppermint, chocolate and little red candy lips for a kiss of sweetness” made me nervous. That sounds like too many flavors for one cup of tea. Well, I was pleasantly surprised. The first thing I noticed was the smell of chocolate. No one flavor overpowered the others and they all worked together to create a delicious, smooth cup of tea. I love black tea, and I cannot stand bitter black tea. I was instructed to let my tea steep for 4-7 minutes. My plan was three minutes to ensure the tea was not bitter. I got distracted and the tea steeped for a whole 6 minutes, and it was not bitter at all. It was a smooth cup of fun tea to start off my morning.

I am looking forward to trying more flavors of DAVIDsTEA and enjoying another cup of this tea too.

The Holy Bible-Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness (Book Review)

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Last year I read the Bible with a group of wonderful people who helped me stay on track. Together we talked about our favorite and least favorite sections of reading. It required dedication and a commitment to reading every day for 365 days.

This year I read, The Holy Bible: Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness by Zach Weinersmith. This 67 page (small) book is a quick read.

Now, you might wonder why there are 67 pages and only 66 books in the Bible? The answer is that Revelation gets two pages. 

So now you are wondering how the author condenses each book of the Bible to so few words? Here is one example. “Amos becomes like the 14,000th prophet to note that Israel is making God mad and when you make God mad things go bad” (30). Or something from the New Testament. Mark-“Basically, Matthew’s Gospel, but with less boring, more ACTION, and your choice of two endings!” (41). That one reminds me of an informercial. 

This book was a Christmas present from a friend and it has brought me hours of joy as I read and reread it. And then, I read it to other people. I was thinking about how this little book might be helpful in the life of faith. I think he has a really great idea here. What if for your next Bible study, everyone tried to summarize a book of the Bible in one page, one paragraph, one sentence. What is the essence of each book? Or if you are studying a book of the Bible, compare what this book says to what you think is the main point. Is this author correct? How would you rewrite or change his words? 

So, if you need a new Bible, this might be the one for you. Only if you are willing to keep an actual Bible next to it for reading along this abridged one. Enjoy!

End of Life Questions

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In my work as a hospice chaplain, people ask me questions that are huge life defining questions. And I find it helpful to reflect on them to better prepare myself for how I will answer.

How do I say a final goodbye to my loved one and when is the right time to do so?

How do we ask our loved one about her final wishes without making her feel that we are hurrying her death?

So before I share my reflections on these questions, it is important to share that I believe it is not my job to give someone the answers. My job is to help you find the answer that is right for you and to remind you (often) that you already knew the answer. I am not trying to sway a family to what I would do if I were in their shoes because I am not in their shoes. 

How do I say a final goodbye to my loved one and when is the right time to do so?
In my experience waiting until a loved one is near death (as we see on tv) is not the best time to tell someone how you feel. I recommend being open and honest with your loved one regularly. This eliminates the need for a final goodbye and the sadness people feel if they weren’t present for a final goodbye. If you have always wanted to ask a parent something, do it now. If you want your loved one to know you love them, now is the time to say it. 
There are times leading up to a person’s death when the family gathers around to be present. If I am invited into this sacred time/space, I will encourage story telling and memory sharing. Too often, the loved one who is dying is no longer able to participate verbally in the conversation. 
My thought is to tell your loved ones you love each time you talk as we cannot predict what the future holds. I say this not to worry or alarm anyone. Instead this is a reminder that all life is frail and ends and I would rather my loved ones know I love them than feel guilty that I didn’t tell them!

How do we ask our loved one about her final wishes/hopes/dreams without making her feel that we are hurrying her death?

My best suggestion is to ask the question. Hey Mom, is there anything you regret not doing? Hey Dad, what is on your bucket list? Is there anywhere you always wanted to travel and never did? Is there a food you have never eaten and would like to try? I wonder if there are any broken relationships you would like to mend and if I could help you with that? 
Sometimes it is easier to talk about yourself first! I have always wanted to travel to Tikal, Guatemala. Is there anywhere in the world you would like to go? 
We can become paralyzed by our fears thinking that if we ask the wrong question that our loved one will think that we know longer want them in our lives. I think being honest is the most helpful. Mom, I love you and if there is any wish, dream, hope I can help make come true for you I want to do it. So is there anything you want to do before you die?
You might be surprised by how simple the request is. Some people just want to feel the sunshine on their faces or see the ocean one more time (that may be easier where I live than where others live) or eat their favorite French fries, or dance to a favorite song. If the request is a bit more difficult to make happen, be creative. If your Dad always wanted to go to Italy and that is no longer possible, turn a room into your home into Italy. Hang magazine picture on the walls. Play Italian music. Serve an Italian meal. Watch a movie that takes place in Italy. 

Be brave, my friends! You are stronger than you know and can make it day by day through the hard questions of life! 

Each day we live is a gift from God. Our response to God is how we spend that day. That doesn’t mean that every day has to be the most productive day ever. You may remember that God rested on the seventh day and told us to do the same. If each day we can brighten the life of another, ease a little suffering, spread a little kindness, we will make God’s world a better and more loving place. 


Another Trip Around The Sun!

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Each year as the calendar encourages us to welcome a new year, my household reflects on the ending year with what we’ve saved in a jar. As I prepare myself to add another year to my age, I’m doing something similar by reflecting on the last year of my life.

This is how it started-

It included officiating a dear friend’s wedding, seeing my college roommate, planned and unplanned road trips, and funerals for people I love. I visited new states, ate delicious food, celebrated birthdays of loved ones, went to the beach, spent holidays with family, and fulfilled this lifelong dream.

Fenway Park

This year was both heartbreaking and amazingly awesome. Some moments made me laugh until I cried and other left me crying until it felt like I had no more tears. Many days were just ordinary, regular days when I did my job to the best of my abilities. I cannot remember all the meals I ate and am thankful for my amazing husband who cooked so many of those meals.

So as it is now my birthday, what am I hoping for this year? I’d appreciate a little less sadness and more joy. If that can’t happen, I’d like to remember to look for the joy even amidst the sadness. I’d like more time with people I love. If that can’t happen, I’d like to be fully present for the time I do have with the people I love. They deserve my attention. I’d like less hurrying and rushing around which might be achieved by me saying no a little more often and leaving earlier than I think I should (this one might be one I can work on myself). I’d like to look back a year from now and say all in all it was a good year.

Loving God, You hear our hopes and our heartache. You see our dreams and our reality. You know our thoughts and our actions. You guide us and only ask that we follow you. So that is what we’ll do. We will follow you through the next year not knowing where we are going or how we will get there. We look forward to the journey and know that all will be well. Amen.

What is bringing you joy today?

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In a world where bad news dominates the air waves, it is important for us to spread good news. It is vital for us to share what brings us joy. So today, I encourage you to be someone who is looking for the good and points out what you see to others. The joy or good news you share doesn’t need to be huge or earth shattering. It is life changing because we will be the ones vocalizing that there is still goodness and joy in this world among all the negativity that is shared.

(Please know that I am not suggesting that we ignore the news or the events happening around us. I am encouraging us to be people who share joy where we see it while being aware that there is much that needs to be changed in our world.)

I will share what is bringing me joy today. This cup which is a perfect blend of my love of tea and my husband’s love of pharmacy. It makes me smile each time I see. I wanted to share this with you and encourage you to share what is bringing you joy today. May you find peace and joy on your path today.

Asking for Money and Thanking God for Money

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Recently, I was part of a conversation where pastors asked for a new call to offering and prayer of dedication. I felt inspired to write something a little bit different.

Call to the Offering

The church isn’t good at asking for money in ways that inspire people. Often we give because we are supposed to or its the right thing to do or we’ve always given. Some of us don’t give much because we give elsewhere at places that are better at making us feel like our hard earned money will be used well. Today I encourage you to look around this sacred space. Notice where your money is going-to provide a worship opportunity in a comfortably cooled/heated space, to provide educational times so we can all grow in our faith, to provide equitable salaries for all who work here, to share God’s love with those outside this space through food pantries, after school programs, AA groups, and so many other ways. Think about the good your money does when you give it to your church as we share a moment of eyes open and looking around in silent reflection. And now, we will receive this morning’s offering.

Prayer of Dedication-

Holy One, Receive this offering we give to you and your church because we want to help spread your good news within these wall and in our community and throughout the world. Bless the work that will be done with this money as we seek to open our eyes, ears, and hearts and become the body of Christ at work in the world. Amen.