Month: September 2015

The Zimzum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage Rob and Kristen Bell

Emotional Response-3

Scholarly Response-2

I believe we are created to be in relationship with each other and with God. One of my gifts and joys in ministry is supporting relationships-individuals and congregational relationships with God, loving partnerships, family, friends, etc. To help support these relationships, I’m always searching for good resources to share. As my readers know, I find Rob Bell very readable with an easy to follow style. And this book was a quick, easy read.

The word zimzum is the theme that holds this book together. It is a Hebrew word that means in order for God to create God had to withdraw and create in a space where God wasn’t. Basically, God moved over to allow space for us to thrive and grow and be. They take this word zimzum and use it to describe how we interact with the person we love. “You meet this person, you fall in love, and you zimzum–creating space for them to thrive while they’re doing the same for you. The zimzuming unleashes energy and creates space that didn’t exist before, generating flow that is the lifeblood of marriage” (19).

Many things in this book just make sense. In order for your partner to thrive, you need to know what he or she needs/wants. Talk to the one you love (25). Stop keeping score of who does more (31-36). “How is the space between us?” Are we too close or is there too much distance? (56-58). Give your partner the benefit of the doubt (61-62). Go places and do things together. Shared experiences are essential (76-83). Extend grace and forgiveness with reckless abandon (100-110) as long as it is safe to do so.

All of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph are wonderful ways to support and strengthen the relationship you have with your partner. Are they new and revolutionary? Probably not. What I found the most wonderful of this whole book was the set of questions at the end (123-127). Even without reading the book most of these questions could be excellent ways to start a discussion about your relationship in pre-marital counseling, with your partner, or even by yourself to see how well you know the one you love.

This book is for people in any stage of a romantic relationship. This book would work for those who are just getting to know each other and for those who have been together for decades. Most of the book keeps the pronouns fluid enough to allow this book to work for all couples. I noticed a few places like page 57 where the couple language is “husband and wife”. This book contained excellent nuggets of conversation starters for couples. When I finished reading, I wanted more. I think this feeling was a wish that the book had explored any of these ideas on a deeper level instead of skimming the whole concept of marriage and romantic relationships in only 120 pages. I would recommend checking a copy of this out of the library and going through the questions at the end with the one you love.

This is What I Pray Today: The Divine Hours for Children Phyllis Tickle

Illustrated by Elsa Warnick

In this book, Phyllis Tickle introduces young children to the concept of praying three times a day. She does this with prayers that reflect what is going on in the lives of young children. Each day there is a prayer for the morning, a prayer for when it is time to rest (meaning naptime) and a prayer for the end of the day or bedtime. In this book, you’ll find a week of prayers.

I recommend this as a great gift to a young child in your life. It would also be a great addition to your church library. Tickle wrote the book so it could be used by followers of the Jewish, Muslim, and Christian faiths, so this book would also work as an inter-faith gift too.

Safe Sanctuaries: Reducing the Risk of Abuse in the Church for Children and Youth

Joy Thornburg Melton

Emotional Response-3

Scholarly Response-3

This is the most often recommended book for congregations writing Safe Sanctuary policies. I’ve led groups in writing policies at previous churches and developed a workshop to help with writing, training, and updating Safe Sanctuary policies in congregations. You will notice that this book repeats itself with only minor changes. That is because this is the combined children and youth edition. This book also exists for only children’s ministry and only youth ministry.

The author is an attorney and United Methodist minister. At many points her denominational basis shows as she talks about babies being baptized (7) when not all denominations baptize infants and not all parents choose to have their children baptized as infants and examples and explanations used are about the United Methodist Church.

I believe that Safe Sanctuary policies should begin with what to do. Training should also begin with the positive parts of the plan. The point of Safe Sanctuary policies is not to scare people. We can do our best to keep each other safe without living in fear.

I would recommend this book for a church that needs all information in one place and easily accessible. For churches that are willing to use a variety of resources, there are better options available that have good examples and better policy recommendations. I have also created a workshop to help others write a policy and would be happy to talk with anyone needing help with their policy.

Ideas and Reminders I Found Helpful–

-Giving volunteer forms and Safe Sanctuary policy to all new members. I like this idea because everyone needs to know the policy. In order for the church to be a Safe Sanctuary, everyone in the congregation must know and live by the covenant.

-List of types of abuse starts on page 29  and what to be watching for starts on page 37. Very helpful for training.

-Advertise your policy. Parents expect one.

-Talk about what to do is a sex offender wants to worship here before it a question being asked. A good resource for this difficult situation is found on pages 112-116.

Ideas I Found Difficult or Less than Helpful–

I believe that all Safe Sanctuary policies should begin by outlining what to do. Don’t start with the negative or what to do if/when something happens. Start with what people are expected to do. And in this first section use covenantal language to talk about why this is of sacred importance to us. Starting with the negative or what to do in case of an incident places the focus on the wrong spot. We are called by God to live in relationship with each other. A good Safe Sanctuary policy begins by outlining how that relationship works in this particular case. Section two of the policy can define what to do if that relationship covenant is broken.

Some of the examples presented were very upsetting to me. On pages 13-15, there is a story of a child who pretends to be abused so his father can record the incident and make money for the family. The church had a Safe Sanctuary policy, so the teacher took the father to meet with the pastor. The pastor said, “I know these teachers and I have complete trust in them” (14). I was shocked by the response of the pastor. As a pastor, I would never say this. I trust those who have been entrusted with the sacred duty of teaching children and youth. I would never say I have complete trust in them. I would want to hear as many sides of the story as possible to find out what had happened. Another example that made me sad was the pastor’s response to the single mom who had her child baptized (28). Neither she nor her child should be treated any differently during the baptism. Instead of admonishing the congregation to care even more for this child, the pastor should remind the congregation at each baptism of the sacred covenant being entered into during a baptism.

I would have prefered more examples of how to respond to questions about background checks. This was the most frequent question asked in my churches. Why do we need background check? Who will see my information? How will my information be stored? More examples about how other churches have answered all these questions would be helpful.

“No Workers under the Age of Eighteen” (87) – While I understand the idea, it saddens me to think that people must wait until they are 18 to share their gifts. If multiple people are present, it should not be a problem to allow children and youth to work with each other.

More detailed citations would have been very helpful. When statistics are quoted, it would be helpful to know from when and where they were sourced.